Monday blues. . .

I recently came across the Student’s Companion, a book I had last seen ages ago. It did draw back memories but alas, I now own a copy. Did you know, that a guy who writes/compiles dictionaries is called a Lexicographer?

I have nothing intelligent to write so, if you were looking for something awe inspiring then you might want to stop here and close the tab. But I guess you wont! Why? It’s in the English. It’s in the way these sentences are construed. It’s in the way the satire is being given to you. Simple, eloquent, like Arab satin. ¬†Moving ¬†along. . .

I’ve got the Monday blues. I don’t really know what this statement means but I know I have to write something with 500 words in it before I click send. Usually, it’s emotion that drives the content on this blog but today, I fail, you, me, and everyone who clicked on this link.

So, I am just going to write, better still, scribble what’s on my mind!

200 million shillings for a burial is something! Basically, like 50 cent would say, Get Rich or Die Trying. Someone just did that.

Twitter is boring. . .you know. There’s nothing exciting on there. I am just too tired to try and care.

You know what! I have hit 200 words, that’s it, I am out of here.

Peace Out.

The UK Conundrum!

Have I used conundrum right?

Oh well…Good morning.

For those who are bitter, well, I just lost ten thousand ug shillings, like I had the 10k in my pocket and the next moment it was gone. Like pwushhh. . .nowhere to be seen. So I am hoping its relatives the 5ks, 20ks and 50ks will visit me soon, very very soon, in memory of that 10k.

Now, onto more important issues. . .like

Who wrote the Old Testament in the bible?
Do you understand your purpose in this web of purposes?

NO, that’s not the issue here. I am just trying to waste time, suck you in. Let’s call this foreplay before I give it to you, the real thing you want.

THE UK CONUNDRUM. . .

I am actually glad I spelt conundrum without having to visit a dictionary.

Do you have one of those parents who’ve travelled? Those parents who’ve seen the world? Those parents who never stop talking about the awesomeness that’s out there compared to back home in Uganda. . .don’t be alarmed, I have them two. And I used two here because I meant both.

Everything that has gone wrong, that is going wrong can be compared or will be compared to the UK/US or wherever your cool parents travelled too.

Poor time keeping? In the UK, people there keep time!
Bad driving and there’s no police in sight? In the UK, police would have stopped and charged that person.
Too much dust? In the UK, they wash their roads every morning!

In the UK (She was in London for just a month by the way) has become in the UK. I did this in the UK, because people here are not worthy of having travelled to the UK. It’s bad enough that we were colonised by them, but having to be compared every now and then is just plain bogus wolokoso. I had to combine the two words for emphasis.

I love my parents but I think this UK business needs to come to an end, why, because even my waking up late has been blamed and compared to the UK. In the UK, people wake up early and go to work. Isn’t that what everyone else in the world with an early morning job does?

Why again? I usually don’t have breakfast which means I end up starving till lunch so here goes the Missus telling me, in the UK, people have containers. Now here is where I draw the line. The last time I carried a container with anything of any sorts was when I was in primary 3, and 15+ years later, in the UK has me carrying a container with bread or something for breakfast at work. I feel like I am in a nursery school.

But that’s not all. I earn miserly monies. Monies that barely get me through the day but I am appreciative nonetheless. SO when somebody says I save like people in the UK do, that is just crossing the line. What has the UK got to do with my salary? If it paid me well enough, maybe I would save like I am in the UK!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I also want to have the life my parents have gladly painted to me about the UK but The UK is not Uganda. The hustle is different. The weather is different. The dust levels are different. I can only strive to be like that but even the time zones disagree.

To all the people with the UK conundrum, PEACE!

I am out.

I AM NOT A GOD!

Kanye recently released his something something studio album called YEEZUS. And it was awesome listening to it. At some point it felt a little blasphemous but as I continued to listen to it, I just kept on wondering and trust me, I was more than bemused. The album is not even blasphemous at all and at some point, it sounds like he’s praising the Lord for what He’s done for him. In I AM A GOD, he goes on to say Mi Casa Su Casa. . .which is Spanish for My Home (House) is your Home (House) and I can’t say enough about his word play in this album.

All I am saying is, don’t be quick to judge because of what other people said or what your ears could only hear, but rather, listen, appreciate and try to understand. He references I AM A GOD as a tribute to what people perceive him as in the current music industry and his kind of mentality at this point in his life and career.

Pusha T released Fear Of God II Let Us Pray

J Cole released Born Sinner

Kanye released Yeezus

Jay Z released Magna Carta Holy Grail

It really did feel like the illuminati had it out for us musically and yes, when I got to listen to the albums, I can’t help but appreciate the transition of hiphop and it’s take on various topics. It was like poetry. I look at these hiphop artists as poets, and this time, their take on religion and various social issues and revealing a little about themselves in their music was a total eargasm (what your ears get when they listen to this kind of music).

I was left with the option of judging who had the best album and honestly, I don’t know who had the best album here.

Pusha T has the silent flow, the beats that creep up on you, the melody. The kinda music you appreciate after a while. It don’t hit you until later when you need something different to listen to. Let’s just say I am big fan of Pusha and yes, this album gets like an 8 for beats, melody, rap/verse and continuity. The kinda of album I’d still listen to next year.

J Cole had a sick album. Sick flow. Sick collabos. My only problem with this album is that yes, they are very many good songs, it’s like a complete album but at some point, the songs you liked listening to, are no longer the best. The beats at some point felt like they were recycled and remixed. It would still get a solid 8 for major lyrical content. The beats are alright, but not to die for. They also had melody. Melody is very critical.

Kanye. Kanye. Kanye. He gets a 9. Honestly, forget your beliefs or that he sounds blasphemous or that he’s dating Kim K, this fucker pushes hiphop all the time in directions unseen before. The vocals, the verse, the beats, the word play, no wonder it’s easy for guys to judge. I can’t say I have a favourite song in Yeezus but yes, I appreciate the work put in it however little effort he seemed to have put in it. Yes, he has the hype, but it’s deservedly so.

Jay Z’s Magna Carta Holy Grail gets a 6. Why? You don’t even have to ask why! All the above 3 artists produced their albums, they knew what they were looking for. They again went ahead to rap on their own albums. All Jay Z did is sell 1 million copies to Samsung which would be given free to guys who had and owned the S4. He got a bunch of producers; Timbo, Swizz, Pharell and some white bearded dude, put them in a room, and told them to make him beats. Yes, given your taste, there’s some sick beats and it’s awesome when such a bunch come together but Jay Z has no input apart from the rapping bit. I’ll give him a 6 because most of the lyrics in the new album are different. Not awesome but different. I’ve listened to Jay Z long enough to know that you can trace some of the lyrics of his new album to his old albums. So a 6 is me being fair.

Anyway, this is my opinion. My take on these summer block busting albums! Waiting for Kid Cudi’s INDICUD and hopefully, well, I know he wont disappoint.

Ok, my list of favourite songs on these albums;

1. Everything That Glitters – Pusha T

2. Forbidden Fruit – J Cole, Kendrick (The Skit at the end of this song is SICK)

3. I AM A GOD – Kanye

4. Somewhere in America – Jay Z. (I hope you saw the video of Miley twerking! She put in a lot of twork)

Well, that’s all folks. This is my opinion. Get your own too.

The MATRIX. . .Reloaded. . .

We’ve all used the perilous Bodaboda because of many reasons, mostly because we are in a rush but well. . .here’s my story!

I hate going out, but because social causes and having a social life is an essential, and sometimes the animal instinct is at an all time high, I decided to go out on Saturday.

I had nothing in mind but just the thirst for a beer. A cold sweaty beer. It had been a while since I had taken one and well, I felt it need no justification given that I had gotten paid on a little job I had just accomplished. Pay days get people really really excited. Pay days get me excited because in this world of self employment, it’s hard getting clients who are not going to cheat you because you have no company backing. Enough about that.

I don’t remember much of that night except that I left home at around midnight. My target was to go to Legends, meet a couple of friends and chill there for a while. Taxis at this time are MIA or hoarding a bunch of thugs. So I decided to get a Boda from the town centre and head towards Legends.

My boda ride to Legends was safe, long and I had a chat with the guy about employment. Some of these guys are not as uneducated as we make them out to be. I remember telling him that government is where the money is and his retort was that the government cannot employ an S.6 dropout let alone has failed to put avenues where such guys can get jobs or resources. He continues to tell me how it’s a struggle, with a family, that needs him at home this late at night but he’s the bread winner so he can’t let himself slack. I was proud that someone like him understood the struggles. He even suggested that he and I sit and start up a small transport business but I had to alight. I was a man on a mission to drink. I just hoped that one day he could realise his dreams as I one day fully want to achieve my goal.

LEGENDS WAS BORING! Well, my friends had not arrived, and some had intentions of coming hours later so, a beer and I was out of there.

I headed to the JUNCTION there after.

The junction is this bar somewhere in Kiwatule as you head to Najera. In that locus.

This boda ride was uneventful.

Junction was empty until later on when I was joined by Bernard a.k.a Beewol a.k.a Habbakuk a.k.a I’ll stop here now.

I did a couple of beers. Not enough to get me where I wanted to be but at least close enough to get me home with a smile. I jumped on a boda boda and thoroughly bargained because from the Junction to where I was going would be quite a stipend. I jumped on a the ride and we headed out. My night had been uneventful. Every time I get on a bodaboda, I just get that tingle. The survival mode kicks in. I’ve seen enough boda ride accidents to know I NEVER want to be in one.

As we climbed towards the Ntinda – Kisasi – Nakawa junction, I didn’t know my fate was about to remind me why I HATE and continuously encourage people to avoid taking this little things. There was no car traffic which was a good thing. As we ascended and reached the junction and started taking the Kamwokya route, another boda boda swerved into our path. My boda guy tried to avoid it but it was too late so he hit the brakes as we collided. SMASH!

The survival instinct kicked in. All I can remember was my feet touching the ground, am off the bike, walking in the air for a minute and standing on the paving in the middle of the road. I was in the Matrix. I had slowed down time. I did a light jog as alighted from the accident, unscathed and safe. I laughed heartedly mostly at my ninja skills and instinct.

I turned to see whether there was a wreckage and there was NO ONE! Not my boda, and not the guys we has smashed into. There were two teens on the boda ride that had swerved into our way but and those two had disappeared. I looked ahead and saw my boda guy disappear into a corner. He hadn’t stopped or anything, nor had the guys who’d caused the accident. I was bemused but still slightly shaken up. I tweeted about it in my shear stupidity. To tell the world of my small misfortune that night.

Two things crossed my mind though!

1. Why did my boda guy run away if he clearly was in the right?
2. What is it about a bodaboda that makes these guys suicidal?

Unluckily, there was no other means that evening so I sat on another boda boda complaining at how reckless some of his colleagues were. . .

I am way to tired to proof read this.

 

 

Twitter

The Ninja With Attitude
The Ninja With Attitude

I set my sights on writing a Tuesday blog since a few weeks ago and I tell you, this ¬†mission is worse than arguing with a woman who knows she’s wrong.

I can’t be sure about the audience or how specific it is so normally I go on and on about more worldly matters than personal matters. But today, I just want to blog about something in particular and that is. ¬†. .

TWITTER!

Being on twitter means you are on the streets (the TL a.k.a the Time Line) and if you visit someone’s profile, you are on their Lane. And sometimes, people need to respect your lane.

I’ll be marking 2 years on these streets soon. I am not sure of the date but I remember joining in 2011 after a heated battle and argument with my friends who had been on twitter longer, and this is why.

Before I joined twitter, to me twitter was about,

1. Celebrities.
2. More celebrities.
3. Celebrities and their boring stuff.
4. Celebrities telling us how rich and famous they were.
5. Celebrities telling us how much of a celebrity they were.

Yes, to me it was all about celebrities. And I argued with my friends for months and months that that’s what it was all about. My friends abandoned me. They were tired of explaining.

If you are on facebook and haven’t joined twitter, am pretty sure you will agree with me on this but whenever I met this bunch of guys, it was about how many followers they had yesterday and how many they had today, who had followed back, who had the cutest avi (I didn’t know what that was either), who made them laugh, which bigwig (I also didn’t know that either) would they be following, which bigwig had followed back and yes, the conversation never seemed to end.

Three months after arguing and failing to be convinced, I decided, WTH, maybe I should just join and see what the fuss was all about.

My first days on twitter were quite interesting. I followed close to 100 people expecting immediate follow backs (I also didn’t know it was called following back) and I only got a few from my friends. I didn’t know what retweeting was. I didn’t know what favouriting was. I didn’t know what a TT (Trending Topic) was either. SO, with the help of¬†@like_a_gem¬†I got to know what the basics were. With my excitement, I also participated in my first ever TT. It was something along the lines of favourite movie quotes. I kept on following but no one followed back.

Following is a mysterious thing. The first rookie mistake is following some major handles and expecting a follow back. I followed news channels, famous rappers, big time basketball players and a few celebrities. I even mentioned some of them hoping to get a reply of sorts but alas, nothing. Twitter was now different. I now met with my twitter friends to discuss a way forward. Who should I follow? Who should I stalk? What should I look out for?

Twitter after I joined was now a whole different picture. I still got offended by the whole following -follow back business I decided to come up with a simple solution. The solution was that the number of people I followed shouldn’t be more than twice the number of followers I had.

There’s one simple rule on twitter, and that is TWEET. Around the time I joined, someone was celebrating their 5k tweets milestone, and to me, that felt huge. All I could think about was, how long before I even get there. I hit my first 1k tweets in like a month and a half, and I was like WOOOOOHHHH. I remember I had like 80 something followers and was following about 150 something.

When you join twitter, people will say things like it’s not a competition, WELL, they’re lying. It is a bloody competition. Those streets are a race track. It’s about getting your handle out there and all you have to do is find your niche.

I really didn’t care about the following-followers ratio much, I just kept on tweeting. Some people liked it, others hated it. But I kept on tweeting. . .anyway, LONG STORY SHORT!

These are the things that have crossed my mind while on Twitter!

1. Twitter is for tweets.

2. Never ask for follow backs from bigwigs. They disrespect you and diss you sometimes.

3. Find your niche. People will hate you or love you for it, but one thing is for sure, they’ll have noticed you.

4. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and so should be your DM. (Direct Messages)

5. Respect the 140 characters. This is not facebook.

6. THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK.

7. At a later stage, it’s about the RTs (retweets) and Stars (Favs)

8. Always remember to “Revoke Access” to Unfollower/Follower sites. (Yes, be that sharp)

9. No one really gives a HOOT.

10. It’s your twitter, but OUR tweets.

There’s no written rules but these are some and I am pretty sure if you stick to some of them, you’ll enjoy twitter more.

And no, twitter is not about celebrities, it’s about guys with deep seated parental issues who think staying awake all night¬†tweeting will bring about employment and world peace.

If you are Ugandan, then you know or might want to join the UOT (Ugandans on Twitter). . .and this bunch is well;

1. They are fake. They tweet in fake accents.

2. They hate retweeting and staring tweets. They LOVE manual retweeting.

3. They treat twitter like facebook.

4. They are big time sissies. They don’t know how to take a joke.

5. They think once you make it big on twitter, you stop being mortal.

6. They don’t know how not to give a HOOT!

7. They take stuff personal.

8. They like writing in short hand.

9. They don’t reply your tweets and hogwash.

10. At least they’ve learnt how to follow, I think. I am not pretty sure about this.

And that’s my cue to leave.

Sayanora.

This post was sponsored by The Ninja With Attitude.