Twitter

The Ninja With Attitude
The Ninja With Attitude

I set my sights on writing a Tuesday blog since a few weeks ago and I tell you, this  mission is worse than arguing with a woman who knows she’s wrong.

I can’t be sure about the audience or how specific it is so normally I go on and on about more worldly matters than personal matters. But today, I just want to blog about something in particular and that is.  . .

TWITTER!

Being on twitter means you are on the streets (the TL a.k.a the Time Line) and if you visit someone’s profile, you are on their Lane. And sometimes, people need to respect your lane.

I’ll be marking 2 years on these streets soon. I am not sure of the date but I remember joining in 2011 after a heated battle and argument with my friends who had been on twitter longer, and this is why.

Before I joined twitter, to me twitter was about,

1. Celebrities.
2. More celebrities.
3. Celebrities and their boring stuff.
4. Celebrities telling us how rich and famous they were.
5. Celebrities telling us how much of a celebrity they were.

Yes, to me it was all about celebrities. And I argued with my friends for months and months that that’s what it was all about. My friends abandoned me. They were tired of explaining.

If you are on facebook and haven’t joined twitter, am pretty sure you will agree with me on this but whenever I met this bunch of guys, it was about how many followers they had yesterday and how many they had today, who had followed back, who had the cutest avi (I didn’t know what that was either), who made them laugh, which bigwig (I also didn’t know that either) would they be following, which bigwig had followed back and yes, the conversation never seemed to end.

Three months after arguing and failing to be convinced, I decided, WTH, maybe I should just join and see what the fuss was all about.

My first days on twitter were quite interesting. I followed close to 100 people expecting immediate follow backs (I also didn’t know it was called following back) and I only got a few from my friends. I didn’t know what retweeting was. I didn’t know what favouriting was. I didn’t know what a TT (Trending Topic) was either. SO, with the help of @like_a_gem I got to know what the basics were. With my excitement, I also participated in my first ever TT. It was something along the lines of favourite movie quotes. I kept on following but no one followed back.

Following is a mysterious thing. The first rookie mistake is following some major handles and expecting a follow back. I followed news channels, famous rappers, big time basketball players and a few celebrities. I even mentioned some of them hoping to get a reply of sorts but alas, nothing. Twitter was now different. I now met with my twitter friends to discuss a way forward. Who should I follow? Who should I stalk? What should I look out for?

Twitter after I joined was now a whole different picture. I still got offended by the whole following -follow back business I decided to come up with a simple solution. The solution was that the number of people I followed shouldn’t be more than twice the number of followers I had.

There’s one simple rule on twitter, and that is TWEET. Around the time I joined, someone was celebrating their 5k tweets milestone, and to me, that felt huge. All I could think about was, how long before I even get there. I hit my first 1k tweets in like a month and a half, and I was like WOOOOOHHHH. I remember I had like 80 something followers and was following about 150 something.

When you join twitter, people will say things like it’s not a competition, WELL, they’re lying. It is a bloody competition. Those streets are a race track. It’s about getting your handle out there and all you have to do is find your niche.

I really didn’t care about the following-followers ratio much, I just kept on tweeting. Some people liked it, others hated it. But I kept on tweeting. . .anyway, LONG STORY SHORT!

These are the things that have crossed my mind while on Twitter!

1. Twitter is for tweets.

2. Never ask for follow backs from bigwigs. They disrespect you and diss you sometimes.

3. Find your niche. People will hate you or love you for it, but one thing is for sure, they’ll have noticed you.

4. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and so should be your DM. (Direct Messages)

5. Respect the 140 characters. This is not facebook.

6. THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK.

7. At a later stage, it’s about the RTs (retweets) and Stars (Favs)

8. Always remember to “Revoke Access” to Unfollower/Follower sites. (Yes, be that sharp)

9. No one really gives a HOOT.

10. It’s your twitter, but OUR tweets.

There’s no written rules but these are some and I am pretty sure if you stick to some of them, you’ll enjoy twitter more.

And no, twitter is not about celebrities, it’s about guys with deep seated parental issues who think staying awake all night tweeting will bring about employment and world peace.

If you are Ugandan, then you know or might want to join the UOT (Ugandans on Twitter). . .and this bunch is well;

1. They are fake. They tweet in fake accents.

2. They hate retweeting and staring tweets. They LOVE manual retweeting.

3. They treat twitter like facebook.

4. They are big time sissies. They don’t know how to take a joke.

5. They think once you make it big on twitter, you stop being mortal.

6. They don’t know how not to give a HOOT!

7. They take stuff personal.

8. They like writing in short hand.

9. They don’t reply your tweets and hogwash.

10. At least they’ve learnt how to follow, I think. I am not pretty sure about this.

And that’s my cue to leave.

Sayanora.

This post was sponsored by The Ninja With Attitude.

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