Friend. . .ships!

Does anyone in this crowd love BOOBS! I am a speaking to all the men reading this! DO YOU LOVE BOOBS! *Crowd of chics cheering and throwing knickers at me on stage.*

I like the voices in my head. Scratch that. I love the voices in my head.

Now that we’ve almost broken the ice, I’d like to suggest something. Ladies, if a man refuses to look at your chest even after noticing you are well endowed, either you said, ‘I am so forgetful my fiancΓ©e might leave me in bed’ or your teeth have a way of having their own conversation out of the mouth.


Friends, friends, friends.

Friends are these people who apparently encompass our world outside family. They are the people we share a hearty laugh with, seek solace and encouragement, beat up your enemies with their aid. Friends are cool people but of recent, I am alarmed at the rate which people fall out and claim a friendship is done.

The famous adage a friend in need is a friend indeed is something I hear most often but I don’t pay much heed because, this is my opinion on what/who friends are.

For guys, it’s your crew. Your hommies, dogs, wolves, whatever fancy name you feel like inserting here. Basically the people you roll with. For ladies, well, girlfriends sounds fine.

I realised there’s different kinds of friends for women, and for men. And here are the lists, choose wisely. I can only do for men because well, women are just complicated or maybe @AyamPatraΒ will come up with her thoughts on this. So here goes.


-Best friend.

That guy who walks into your home and feels at home. ‘Hi fives’ your dad while at it. Eats your food. You share everything apart from your deepest darkest fears. They know the chics you are humping and will probably hit on your girlfriend. All in good faith.

– Parent’s Idol.

That one friend your parents never seize comparing you to them. In academics, behaviour, sports, anything the two of you are involved. Let’s not go into the nitty gritty but you know the real guy. Best part, you are their parent’s idol too.

-Sports friend.

You share something common on the sports front. You either play together, cheer for the same team, or are enemies. They support the team you hate. All you connect with is sports. It’s about who has the most and best stats.

-Drinking buddy.

That one weird guy you find in the bar every damn time. You share a hearty laugh, and a weird nod when you are in the bar urinals but that’s all. You don’t know their name and don’t care until you find them in the bar the next week.


That one guy. Let’s just call them guys. Whenever you want something fixed, you call that something guy. Probably save them in your phone as Pork Guy, Cheap Beer Guy, Porn Movies Guy, Hot Sisos Guys. They are your guys.

-The ‘deep’ friend.

That one person who knows your demons. They might not be your best friend, they might not be in your circle, but they know your demons. Why? Because on that weird Friday night as you got slobbered and couldn’t hold back the emotions, you let loose the fountain. They poured and poured and he was the one sober guy that evening who gave you their ear. You don’t usually communicate, but when you do, you go deep.

– Colleagues

You knot the guys in this category. Classmates, workmates, churchmates, and even you the chics you get a free chow once in a while from. Yes, those are colleagues. The only association you have with them is the things you do together or do for each other.

Have I exhausted the list? Oh well! We men are a group of simpletons. We hate complicated and we run away from hot chics who stare back at us. True story! So what’s the fuss about friendships? The ship(s) at the end of that statement simply means that boat can sail away. That a friend is allowed to move, go and get other friends. You shouldn’t hold a friend hostage all in the name of friendship. Yes, I am talking about you ladies and sissies that go on a rant about how their friends no longer call, care or give a crap about them. Have you called, cared or given a crap about them. Life is about balance. If you don’t give, don’t expect to receive. So, take a chill pill, and make friends, and maybe the ship(s) comes after. And when your have a friendship, you will most definitely sail everywhere with that person however near, far, distant or gone they are.






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