Stop it now. I said stop it. Don’t. Don’t do it!
When Ugandans decided to blog, there was simply two feelings, alright, and fuck me!
The alright was mostly on the fact that people had decided to start writing. Who wouldn’t want to see progression in their society in terms of writing and putting to paper, a moment in time, something we would later refer to as either being revolutionary or plain dumb stupid. But I was glad.
The fuck me was the sceptic in me. I mean, Ugandan bloggers writing. Someone who can barely compose 140 characters is/was being tasked to make at least 200 words of consecutive and coherent sentences! How? I mean, I’ve already answered the why bit. So, why the fuck me?
1. We love to give reasons why we are writing. Don’t we? Read any blog, and for some unbeknownst of reasons, we always have blogcks and are giving reasons why we are finally back! Oh, I was here. I was busy! I was travelling. Life sucks. I mean, someone spends three whole paragraphs trying to explain why they are not writing. Just do us a favour, shut down the computer.
2. Shitty titles. I think the key to any blog post is in the title. Sometimes people get it write, pun intended. Other times, well, don’t bother reading.
3. Personal. Yes, blogs are personal but they should at least have a semblance of objectiveness or persona in them. Not everything should be about how or what you spent your day doing.
4. Editing. For fucks sake, edit the fucking blog.
5. As I was taught by my predecessors, the magic is in the first 500 words, and beyond that, you are fucking kidding me.
6. Images! Not every blog post needs to have images. Most times they are not even coherent. Shit I just used coherent twice. But yes, most times the images are baseless, pointless and space filling. You don’t need images, you need imagery, if you get what I mean.
7. The thematic. Oh the fucking thematic. Like your writing, your blog can’t afford to be ugly. Pick a nice theme or at least, let it be good enough we can skip the badly written posts.
8. Mystery. There was a time when we didn’t know who was blogging or writing, but we met them in their posts, in their images, on their fucking blog. And it was fucking amazing.
9. Proof reading. Please do that, again for fucks sake.
10. Fuck you. But thank you for reading none the less.
11. Have I forgotten something? Uhm!