THIS IS THE NEWS AT 9:00PM

This is the news at 9:00pm on NTV. Once again, the government has been found corrupt, squandering the little public funds. Today, 2.68 billion shillings was shared amongst the top brass while they were discussing how to pay your salaries you public servants. Yesterday it was 13 billion on a road that has everyone talking and for some reason whose works have not stopped even after being told to, and the day before that, it was a Chinese company that was contracted to do a job and was paid 3 times the amount it would have cost the government but because your uncle has opened the doors to state house, he bagged the two thirds. This is the news at 9:00pm.

This is the news at 9:00pm. Students finish their Primary Leaving Examinations and the Parliament sat down again to discuss about setting up a committee to discuss about the other committees that have been set up to fight the top brass from being overly greedy. Why canโ€™t they eat little and leave some for them too. Donโ€™t they know that sharing is caring? Do they care that 1000 students missed exams because it was raining inside their classrooms? That these same students used sticks as pens? Yes, this is the news at 9:00pm.

This is the news at 9:00pm. THIS IS THE NEWS AT 9:00 PM. Our parliament is up in arms. They are fighting each other. They are not fighting for their people but for their own person, that person whoโ€™s not on the list that is getting allowances for being on a committee that is fighting against people squandering money. Whoโ€™s going to set up the committee to manage this committee? They are fighting to be on as many committees.

This is not the news at 9:00pm. Youth are still fighting to get jobs but the President says that Public Universities should only teach sciences. I donโ€™t even know what he means by sciences. This is not the news at 9:00pm. There are dilapidated hospitals where people pass on faster than they pass in. This is not the news at 9:00pm. The police stopped me, threatened to give me a ticket if I didnโ€™t give them something. This is not the news at 9:00pm. Corruption is now a lifestyle. Only question, is it really corruption. This is not the news at 9:00pm. Thereโ€™s a white African president. This is not the news at 9:00pm. Youth have now resorted to employing themselves. This is not the news at 9:00pm. Pensioners have still not been paid. This is not the news at 9:00pm. Kampala now at blistering 300 C. This Is Not The News.

Stop. Just stop for second now. You know this already. You donโ€™t even watch the news because, well, they said the same thing yesterday, and the day before, and the day before the day before yesterday. In fact, I am boring you with all this nonsense about corruption. About whatโ€™s right in society and whatโ€™s wrong. This is not the fucking news. At 9:00pm, I was still in the bar, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday too. Well, I rested a little on Friday but was definitely at the bar when the news was being read.

You know whatโ€™s really awesome about the news? That nice looking anchor, with her sexy cotton dress. Oh, the way she speaks. The way she speaks. I love the news. Oh hold on, did you watch Bukedde? Maybe thatโ€™s the real news. The stories being told about the people, and their lifestyle, and about that boda boda man who refused to bathe the whole community was called into action. This is the news. Did you see her leaked nudes, her photo is all over the news. This is the news. Uganda, almost qualified again for the African Cup. This is the real news.ย This is the news everyday except at 9:00pm.

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