‘You see, the way we did this…’ my mother reiterates for the 1000th time.
As long as you have a parent, you’ll always remain a child, however old you are. I sometimes find myself on the phone with my mother arguing about MY way forward mostly because in her eyes, I still think she thinks me her baby. And if that’s the case, then you are going to be stuck in her cradle.
Parents always want what’s best, but at some point, we need to cut the influence they have over us lest we actually fail to grow up. I do believe my background has allowed me a kind of independence some people still don’t have, a freedom to loiter, but there are some times I wish I needed an adult in my life.
The thing about growing up is that when you fall, there’s no one to pick or lift you up. And sometimes, you just want the world to swallow you. The thing about growing up is that tomorrow will continue, and your problems will hung low whether your like it or not. Unlike being a child where homework is your greatest worry, being an adult means much more than just pieces of paper. It’s bread on the table, water in the taps, power in your sockets.
I have never been as confused about where I am and what I am supposed to be doing as I have ever been right now in my life. One moment, I have answers, and in the next, nothing. Nothing at all. Work and life take this toll on me sometimes, I just daze and flow like a burst river bank. Unlike being a child, I have to face tomorrow’s problems alone. I look to my left, and look to my right, and it’s just reflections of me.
I sometimes wonder, did my parents not do enough? Is where I am a result of my decisions growing up? Did I do the right course at university? Am I not doing enough to better myself? Who can I blame? Who should I blame? And all I have is just me. Because growing up is a personal thing. And I will probably be facing my tomorrow as me. Alone, still trying to grow up.