Wine-r

How do ladies take wine? Frequently at that!?

How?

This has been on my mind for the last two weeks. What magic is embued in your bodies?

About two weeks ago, at a family shindig, there happened to be enough wine to compete with Jesus’ miracle in Canaa. Wine was flowing like the river Nile, and we were swimming in the river. It happened to be a family reunion that was a few months over due. Anyway, I decided to take wine seeing as there was no beer.

And I took that wine. I probably put Conrad in Namaqua, Conradaqua…

Whilst the government was celebrating and commemorating its conquering of the old regime, I was drowning myself in wine. Tumbler after tumbler. And the beauty about wine is it takes its gentle time to massage your ego before throwing you off the cliff. The evening was indeed amazing I even packed some for the road. 

I headed home, buzzed but not wasted. On my way, I got another box of wine before calling it an almost night at a friend’s place. We played with the box of wine like young children who had just discovered its exciting contents. Come midnight, I headed home still feeling fresh. The wine was still massaging my ego.

I get home, sleep off, buzzed but very ok. And it was at this time that the wine started to slowly push me towards the cliff. I awoke the next morning, feeling relatively ok. I did have breakfast as well. Seeing as it was a Friday, and I employ myself, I could afford to be late for work. I think having breakfast was the cue for the wine just pushed me off the cliff, and down I went. All my muscles ached, I got food poisoning, I could barely walk. I just crawled back to bed and napped. My body felt like a masseuse was hacking me, using a hammer to hit my joints. The fetal position couldn’t even do the trick. 

Ah, wine. Bloody wine!

My Friday was spent thinking about how I am never doing wine again. What horseless shit did I drink!? How do ladies do it? What black magic do you have to use before taking wine? I finally recovered at 2:00am that Saturday morning, and it was pretty late to go for work then.

Let’s just say I am not about that wine life. I am not a winer!

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