Evolve-d

Hurt People Hurt People! – Confucius 

What is love? The answer is in 1 Corinthians 13: –

Read the whole chapter and maybe we can start to delve deeper.

And NO, I don’t think Confucius coined the term, ‘Hurt People, Hurt People’ but rather it’s the meaning behind this adage, paradigm that I’d like to share my thoughts on.

You know how a rotten tomato spoils the other tomatoes in the basket full of fresh juicy tomatoes? That’s what happens when hurt people decide to date without first cleansing and renewing themselves. It’s important that before you start a new relationship, the shackles that hold you to your past are broken, and you are free to freely love someone.

I had and wanted to quote that bible verse specifically to broaden your horizons on what exactly love is. We many times misuse the world love. Some of my favourite ones are when people use and say things like – I am falling/fell out of love? I stopped loving because? I have little love left because? for a friend, partner and confidant. It simply means that you didn’t understand what love was in the first place. Love nurtures and grows. Love makes you see the good side of people, and accept the flaws AND try to work on those flaws. It’s essential that when two people come together, they purpose their selves in learning and growing in love. Love is work. Not just a random feel of fwaaa fwaaa

And in truth it starts by understanding that your past does not define your future. Your past is your past. We should stop looking to the past to live in the future. I mean, Obama once said, how can you move forward if you are looking back? Many relationships these days focus on the past they fail -continuously to live in/for the future, and before you know it, you are back to the past with someone new.

Look at it this way. If person X hurt you, forgive – which is difficult and you can refer to previous posts, and move on. Learn from it and grow. When you meet person Y, person X shouldn’t be in the picture, in whatever way, past, present or future. Many times though, we get hurt by person X, move on to person Y still angry at person X, compare Y to X when they falter, pick the stupid lessons from X and apply them to your new Y and before you know it, Y has become X, and now Z is coming into the picture. And then X, Y, Z! I honestly hope you understand this analogy.

Eventually, the cycle continues, and now Y becomes X to another person and damn it, just stop it people. Why are we so hell bent on our past?

I know it hurts. I know you gave it your all. I know things probably didn’t work out. I know you probably messed up. I know you now have insecurities. I know that maybe what you believed was love was not what it turned out to be. Turn your life to Christ. 

I now know that everyone deserves a clean slate, a chance to become better and grow, and a NEW you, not an old version. Look at it this way, software always needs an upgrade, a better version of itself. But software doesn’t discriminate on who and what and how it can be used (love). Software (You) works on itself so that the new user can enjoy themselves and experience it better. Software (You) doesn’t look back and determine that you cannot harness its full potential, no, it allows you to fully use it the best way you can in the now (present). And it won’t judge you. Be like software, fix your bugs, have a renewed and better experience with the you. Don’t judge new users based on the old, but rather better yourself (bug fixes) so that the new user can experience something wholesome and refreshing. The past is who you are, but shouldn’t define the mistakes you make in the future. DO NOT LIVE IN THE PAST!

Love grows. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not judge. We need to evolve. We need to stop blaming our past for the mistakes we shall make in the future. If you were hurt, grieve, cleanse, renew, begin – afresh. This time a better version of yourself – evolved, to allow your partner experience the whole you, and not just parts of you you deem clean or fit to be used. And for Christ’s sake, don’t take out your frustrations from the past into the future, that’s how hurt people end up hurting people.

PS: We can fall out of like with someone, but before we do it, remind yourself what exactly it was that got you to like them. Most times we shall choose the easy way out, the weak way out, and look at the faults and flaws of that someone but usually that’s a reflection of what/who we are. Only weak people choose to see the weakness in others.

Double PS: If someone chooses not to see your light, don’t deem that light. Find someone who will keep that light shining bright. Find your Sunshine, and maybe the darkness in you will be as bright as the Moonlight!

Stay awesome people. Let’s always choose love. It’s not the easiest way, but that’s why we are on this earth. To love, and to love.

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New Man

Something happens when you give your life to Christ.

And I mean giving the whole you, not just bits and pieces. The whole of you.

Me I’ve done that. Sometimes, I wake up wrestling with the idea that maybe I’ve not fully given in and then I am reminded of how amazing He is.

The phrase ‘learning and unlearning’ has garnered waves on the internet recently, and in a way it has got me thinking of the older me. I believe that we are here to fulfill God’s anointed purpose for us and maybe sometimes we are blinded by earthly truths, we feed the flesh and not the spirit and in turn soil the soul. It’s quite profound the things I’ve been trying to unlearn because of these earthly truths.

You don’t realize how broken you were until the light shines upon you. And then you start to see the cracks and fissures and dents all over your vase. Earthly truths are things not found in the book of life, opinions that we’ve gestated over time and these have become who we are. 

One of the greatest earthly truths I gestated was that I need to work for God’s approval. Another was that I could actually choose how I felt and what I did without Him. Another was that I could call on Him when I only needed Him. The biggest was that I could rely on Him in the low moments and forget about Him during the highs. And my personal favourite, that I could actually forgive and love without Him.

As amusing and benign as some of these thoughts are, to me, these are the earthly truths I am trying to unlearn. That I actually have to fight for a place by His side has already been nullified by His only begotten Son. That I need Him only when low is but amusing because in Him, there’s only highs. That I can call on Him anytime is but the best thing that happened to us such that I don’t just need to call Him during the tough times. What are tough times when you have Him?! And most of all, I am only but a vessel, and if He can forgive me, surely I can forgive anyone.

The hardest thing to do is forgive, and love unconditionally. It’s only when you understand that you are a vessel that promulgates  God’s love that you start to understand these two things. Like me, you and I are incapable of fully and honestly forgiving. God does, God has. 

I tried explaining to my mother the other day that it was not her responsibility to forgive her stepmother. That what she (stepmother) had done to them is humanly impossible to forgive. But, if she could just allow Christ to forgive through her (my mother), then she would find the peace she’s seeking. 

In Christ, the old man is dead, and the new man is born again, with salvation and eternal life.

In Christ, I am born again. In Christ, I am renewed. In Christ, who can stop me?! Surely! 

More Forgiving

So, yes, I wrote the email, and felt relieved, but then….bang…you meet the person and you can barely think once, sorry, twice before picking up a shotgun, forgive the dark humour.

Forgiving is spiritually tiring. Like, if you don’t honestly forgive, your spirit just doesn’t settle. And so part of forgiving is acting upon that forgiveness. And it’s starts by praying, praying for them, and praying that they are well, prosperous and happy wherever they are.

Myopic: I am, have been, and are greatly ashamed.

In the process of forgiving, I’ve learnt that I should be the one asking for forgiveness. Yes, you were hurt, but introspectively looking at it, you also hurt someone. When you stop playing the blame game, it all comes down to everyone got hurt. Your hurt is not any greater or lesser. Everyone got hurt, so whilst you forgive, get off that high horse and ask to be forgiven.

Make peace with yourself first.

We are all insecure, and some of these insecurities are caused usually by expectations. I know, we naturally expect, but in truth, coming of this knowledge has taught me otherwise. Previous relationships create tiny ripple effects we don’t realize, not until we are demanding and expecting things (old ways) to be done in new relationships. It’s time to do some spiritual healing and cleansing my brothers and sisters.

Have I forgiven? Yes. Am I acting on it? I believe I am.

And I hope you too can forgive, and heal, and please, do not try to rush the process. Jesus, calm down! Take your time to heal, and surround yourself with people who want that for you, and desire to see you happy. Cast aside your previous norms, come before the Lord and let Him work His magic in you.

God bless you, and preach love and peace, not hate.

PS: I just signed off like I was writing a Nigerian Movie.

Just!

Love!

That’s it.

Again, church was amazing this Sunday. Who knew I’d get all the catharsis I need from Sunday church? Well, God knew but hey, I was big headed enough to believe otherwise. They started this new preaching about “open secrets to a successful marriage!” Well, you can imagine I was all ears. [ Well, apply these open secrets to life in general]

First things first, just LOVE. Like God’s kinda love but we all know we can barely emulate even a morsel of that! So, try to love without holding back, not for them, but for yourself. And well, you can only love others if you love God, and through Him can you freely love one another. Does this make sense? Well, just love because God loves you.

Back to the main point here.

The first secret was : EXPECTATIONS!

*Drum roll please* DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!

When we start to expect, and when we heap expectations on others, we naturally set ourselves up for failure. You are just allowing for the other person to disappoint you. If you think about it, it’s natural to expect for things  especially from a loved one or your partner. It’s impossible not to. I had a taste of my own medicine this morning when I didn’t get a message from my best friend and partner in crime, and I worried because I expected to get one, and when I called, they were actually too busy to get in touch. It is eccentric to not expect, for many will call you crazy but when you start NOT to expect, life starts to open doors. It sets you free from all the things you’d expect and allows you to view yourself and life in a more enthralling way.

Expectations are the number one cause of issues in relationships. When you put relationships under a micro scope, most arguments, fights and disagreements stem from expectation(s). She was supposed to do this? He was expected to have done this? Why did you forget to do this? Most times when we expect, it’s not that we can’t do these things ourselves, we are either preoccupied or just just want someone to do it.

So, the first secret in a relationship and in life generally is to not expect, or rather manage your expectations. Don’t self inflict pain on yourself trying to expect things that will not be done, given or achieved when you can; firstly, do them yourself. Secondly, you can still do them yourself. I’ve heard people ask and pray about change, the power to change and if they can’t, accept that change.

Setting yourself free from expectations and allowing things to be will allow you to be free to love!

So, will you stop expecting or….

Anyway….just

Forgiving

If I had a bullet for everyone that hurt me then well, there would be many ghosts haunting me.

The hardest thing to do is to forgive. And I am pretty sure it’s not the actual forgiving that’s hard, it’s letting go of the reason as to why you shouldn’t forgive them in the first place that is the hardest. I’ve been on this three months spiritual trek and it’s been amazing, difficult and amazing. And prior to this last week’s preaching, a name kept on popping/playing at the back of my mind. It just wouldn’t stop nagging me whenever I had a moment to myself.

For the whole week prior to Sunday, I kept on wondering why the name was on mind.

So, on Sunday, after preaching, one of the key points was to forgive as a form of love. The truth is that God is Love, and so if He can love us, and forgive us, and we are created in His image, then why shouldn’t we forgive as well. And when we forgive, make sure that we have forgiven.

Among the few things that have transformed in my life since this journey began is to let go, and Let God. There was pain I was holding on to, a pain that kept on strangling the spirit, a pain that had a soul tie, a pain that I had unconsciously held onto. So when that name popped up, surprise surprise. I blamed this person for causing this pain…we humans can be feeble sometimes, share the blame or just throw it on someone, and this pain always brought about an anger that I didn’t like at all.

Back to Sunday…

So our assignment was simple, forgive that person you believed has caused you pain. And honestly forgive them. Don’t do it for them, do it for yourself. Do it for your soul. And also love or share a form of love with three random people. And thus, after church was done, I sat down, meditated for a little bit and then wrote an email, apologizing first and asking for forgiveness and forgiving as well.

No, it doesn’t just randomly go away but I know I was at peace. I had forgiven, and there was no backsies. And I felt lighter, happier. I sometimes sit and muse at how sometimes the hardest things to do give the greatest rewards. And so, I choose to forgive. And love. Never the easiest things to do but I believe they are the most rewarding.

Anywho, my acts of love;

Thanks for reading this blog. Thanks to those that share, like and comment. I sometimes are reclusive but I appreciate every click. Love you guys 😊

29

I have had a lot to write about recently but where my mind has been, even I could not dig it out. But today, I must write because today begins a transition, significantly more important, or less, because I was born 29 years ago (some still say I am 24! Thanks Kylie). As I begin this rather exciting journey, I honestly look back at some significant things that have happened in my life. Also, I feel old albeit still feeling young. Life is but a paradox! 

1. I’d like to thank my parents. Honestly, I sometimes think they look at me and wonder, is this what we made? I don’t think I have disappointed them yet, or have I? Nonetheless, I am here because of them and now that I am old, and know how babies are made, eeeewwwww mum and dad.

2. Being a first born is dope. Till you get competition, and some more, and then you just stop being relevant when the fifth comes along. Yes, I am talking about my siblings who took my limelight year after year. Those idiots surprisingly are good company till they take some of the love that was originally yours.

3. I was born on Easter Sunday these many years ago. And 3 is my fave number. Sometimes I feel like Jesus, because of my birthday. Well, my point is that 3 is my fave number.

4. I once escaped from home – Makerere, when I was 4 to go for my cousin’s birthday in Kamwokya. My mum claims, I am not too sure or even remember doing this but hey, my big head got beaten because of that. 

5. My neigbour once gave me a toy car for my birthday and after we cut the cake, this dude took back his toy car. Apparently the father hadn’t given him permission to. I know, it’s been this long but hey, I can forgive but not forget. Got circumcised too! Lol.

6. I had my first crush.

7. I once got drunk and passed out in a banana plantation at a baptism party somewhere in Nabbingo. The coke tasted different. My uncle gave me some of his punch and I was KOed before I knew it. Luckily, I woke up in time for the cake cutting. I love cake too.

8. I joined boarding school.

9. Mehn, I was still in boarding school and it sucked but hey, I had made the decision all because my cousin was given pocket money.

10. I was in a heist. Bun robbers to be precise. Our buns has been locked up by the class teacher because we were noise makers. So, I decided to take the initiative and break into the cupboard. That’s how I met my best friend, then. 

11. Boarding school had refused to end, but I was just a year away from P.7, I had to hung in there. The system had broken me. And then my class teacher comes to tell us that we shall never stop learning. This hurt, seeing as I was tired of school. Little did I know that I would understand this when I was finally done with school.

12. Finally! Done with boarding school, candidate of the millennium. And then my arch rival was born. The last of five, first of they took all the love from us! My baby brother. 

13. I thought I grew up a little here. Oh the famed secondary school level! And my passion for writing was thus ignited. I started to write in a journal. I should look up some of these journals and see where my mind was!

14. Secondary school was easy. And my innate passion for Architecture was triggered. I was rather fascinated by buildings.

15. I read my first Novel. Not sure what the title was, but it was a Sydney Sheldon book. Thought him to be a lady seeing as most of his protagonists were ladies.

16. Of crushes and love letters. Hello, CLAK! I also learnt to drive. I once stole my father’s car just to drive around the nieghbourhood before I was caught and told to write an apology letter and within it reasons as to why I stole the car! Aha!

17. Almost there. I can finally see the light. Almost done with tertiary education. Honestly, my high school was not as impressive as some people say theirs were! I was a laid back chilled guy trying to live another day. 

18. Uhm. Grown up woot woot. Honestly, it was the first time I realized that I was grown up and I could get jailed. I also went to cooking school because I had the driving thing locked down 😎! 

19. Hello campus and all the bad decisions! Very frightening bad decisions. First successful surgery! First relationship. I remember telling her we were going to get married! 

20. First break up! Who knew relationships were not as rosy as what I watched in the Notebook! 

21. Maybe Architecture is not as easy as I thought it was. 

22. Who am I and why am I here! The famed introspective question hits me. What is life? And the sickness kicks in! Depression also kicks in. There was a lot of anger in me that never seemed to have an outlet! 

23. Hummmm? Life happened. 

24. Isn’t love a beautiful thing. MMMKR!

25. The typical midlife crisis! For Ugandans that is. Isn’t adulting a trap. Got my first job as a client service personnel in an advertising firm. I was tired of Architecture and need a mental break. 

26. Maybe Architecture is not that bad at all. I also started and owned a restaurant, and also failed. 2014 was a year of many things. I also registered my first company!

27. I honestly felt I had been through a lot. Three jobs in three years and a failed restaurant, and a project that took me deep deep into the village was also the reason I needed to officially start my own company.

28. Last year was amazing. C.E.O things aside, I just realized that time is something we barely grasp, and I needed to get myself in order. I also met some really amazing people. I won’t mention them, but they know themselves. They have made my rather mundane life a little thrilling. They’ve got my back even when I fall off the chair. They’ve propped me up and reminded me that I am special. But what can I say, Lulu and Lula have really been awesome. Eve, Mark, and Justin. Robert and Marvin are the other musketeers. There’s one who went but she won’t be forgotten, Julie – we got your back! 

29. I don’t think I’ve said much, but I am just grateful for the gift of life, for the gift of family, for the gift of friends, for the gift of tomorrow, for the gift of work. The older I grow, the more I realize that the things I held most significant might not matter tomorrow but as long as I stay true to myself, and believe in doing the right thing, and giving my most, I shall be happy. As I start this new year, I don’t believe there can be a new me, but rather a refined me, from the lessons I have learnt these past few years. Like my maths teacher said when I was 10 or 11, we never stop learning. And he should have added something, we never stop growing. Spread love, peace and a little laughter here and there.

Happy birthday Conrad.

From Russia With Love…

I stared at her long enough to memorize every part of her face, the stress lines and the scars, the thinness of her eyebrows and the big round eyes that seemed to question how we’d come to this point. It had been a strange week. It had been an amazing week. It all started with a random conversation late that previous night where the hours seemed to make the conversation more dry and deeper, and before we knew it, confessions previous – had now matured into expressions of otherwise a deeper sentiment. And now we were here, sharing a pot of tea wondering about what we had talked about.

We had been to this restaurant before for an ice cream date that wasn’t exactly a date in the normal sense of the word or activity. We had been friends a while and as with time decided to catch up on life with a few spoonfuls of ice cream hence coming to this restaurant, just a stone throw away from where I worked. We had left the restaurant that evening bitter and angry at how the receipt and the menu had different prices for the ice cream. And yet here we were now, enjoying a hot cup of tea laughing about nothing, talking about many things, and yet, last night had been different. Last night, something had changed.

I cracked a joke about how we had hated this restaurant the first time and yet we were back here. It must have been the tea! To be honest, one pot of tea has six servings. She exclaimed at how tea should be the cheapest thing, I mean, it was water with just some flavour to it. I kept on staring at her and replaying the conversation we had had just last night. Strange how time changes things, creates moments. She was going back home, she was travelling soon, and although we smiled, we knew that this fleeting and exciting moment would not last forever. We had to seize it, to be in it.

I pointed towards the waiter…asking him to bring the menu.

I look towards her, and ask her, since this is our last week together, what should we have for dinner today?

She points at something in the corner, where I stare and read it out loud to the waiter…

“Can we have the From Russia with Love?”