Evolve-d

Hurt People Hurt People! – Confucius 

What is love? The answer is in 1 Corinthians 13: –

Read the whole chapter and maybe we can start to delve deeper.

And NO, I don’t think Confucius coined the term, ‘Hurt People, Hurt People’ but rather it’s the meaning behind this adage, paradigm that I’d like to share my thoughts on.

You know how a rotten tomato spoils the other tomatoes in the basket full of fresh juicy tomatoes? That’s what happens when hurt people decide to date without first cleansing and renewing themselves. It’s important that before you start a new relationship, the shackles that hold you to your past are broken, and you are free to freely love someone.

I had and wanted to quote that bible verse specifically to broaden your horizons on what exactly love is. We many times misuse the world love. Some of my favourite ones are when people use and say things like – I am falling/fell out of love? I stopped loving because? I have little love left because? for a friend, partner and confidant. It simply means that you didn’t understand what love was in the first place. Love nurtures and grows. Love makes you see the good side of people, and accept the flaws AND try to work on those flaws. It’s essential that when two people come together, they purpose their selves in learning and growing in love. Love is work. Not just a random feel of fwaaa fwaaa

And in truth it starts by understanding that your past does not define your future. Your past is your past. We should stop looking to the past to live in the future. I mean, Obama once said, how can you move forward if you are looking back? Many relationships these days focus on the past they fail -continuously to live in/for the future, and before you know it, you are back to the past with someone new.

Look at it this way. If person X hurt you, forgive – which is difficult and you can refer to previous posts, and move on. Learn from it and grow. When you meet person Y, person X shouldn’t be in the picture, in whatever way, past, present or future. Many times though, we get hurt by person X, move on to person Y still angry at person X, compare Y to X when they falter, pick the stupid lessons from X and apply them to your new Y and before you know it, Y has become X, and now Z is coming into the picture. And then X, Y, Z! I honestly hope you understand this analogy.

Eventually, the cycle continues, and now Y becomes X to another person and damn it, just stop it people. Why are we so hell bent on our past?

I know it hurts. I know you gave it your all. I know things probably didn’t work out. I know you probably messed up. I know you now have insecurities. I know that maybe what you believed was love was not what it turned out to be. Turn your life to Christ. 

I now know that everyone deserves a clean slate, a chance to become better and grow, and a NEW you, not an old version. Look at it this way, software always needs an upgrade, a better version of itself. But software doesn’t discriminate on who and what and how it can be used (love). Software (You) works on itself so that the new user can enjoy themselves and experience it better. Software (You) doesn’t look back and determine that you cannot harness its full potential, no, it allows you to fully use it the best way you can in the now (present). And it won’t judge you. Be like software, fix your bugs, have a renewed and better experience with the you. Don’t judge new users based on the old, but rather better yourself (bug fixes) so that the new user can experience something wholesome and refreshing. The past is who you are, but shouldn’t define the mistakes you make in the future. DO NOT LIVE IN THE PAST!

Love grows. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not judge. We need to evolve. We need to stop blaming our past for the mistakes we shall make in the future. If you were hurt, grieve, cleanse, renew, begin – afresh. This time a better version of yourself – evolved, to allow your partner experience the whole you, and not just parts of you you deem clean or fit to be used. And for Christ’s sake, don’t take out your frustrations from the past into the future, that’s how hurt people end up hurting people.

PS: We can fall out of like with someone, but before we do it, remind yourself what exactly it was that got you to like them. Most times we shall choose the easy way out, the weak way out, and look at the faults and flaws of that someone but usually that’s a reflection of what/who we are. Only weak people choose to see the weakness in others.

Double PS: If someone chooses not to see your light, don’t deem that light. Find someone who will keep that light shining bright. Find your Sunshine, and maybe the darkness in you will be as bright as the Moonlight!

Stay awesome people. Let’s always choose love. It’s not the easiest way, but that’s why we are on this earth. To love, and to love.

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New Man

Something happens when you give your life to Christ.

And I mean giving the whole you, not just bits and pieces. The whole of you.

Me I’ve done that. Sometimes, I wake up wrestling with the idea that maybe I’ve not fully given in and then I am reminded of how amazing He is.

The phrase ‘learning and unlearning’ has garnered waves on the internet recently, and in a way it has got me thinking of the older me. I believe that we are here to fulfill God’s anointed purpose for us and maybe sometimes we are blinded by earthly truths, we feed the flesh and not the spirit and in turn soil the soul. It’s quite profound the things I’ve been trying to unlearn because of these earthly truths.

You don’t realize how broken you were until the light shines upon you. And then you start to see the cracks and fissures and dents all over your vase. Earthly truths are things not found in the book of life, opinions that we’ve gestated over time and these have become who we are. 

One of the greatest earthly truths I gestated was that I need to work for God’s approval. Another was that I could actually choose how I felt and what I did without Him. Another was that I could call on Him when I only needed Him. The biggest was that I could rely on Him in the low moments and forget about Him during the highs. And my personal favourite, that I could actually forgive and love without Him.

As amusing and benign as some of these thoughts are, to me, these are the earthly truths I am trying to unlearn. That I actually have to fight for a place by His side has already been nullified by His only begotten Son. That I need Him only when low is but amusing because in Him, there’s only highs. That I can call on Him anytime is but the best thing that happened to us such that I don’t just need to call Him during the tough times. What are tough times when you have Him?! And most of all, I am only but a vessel, and if He can forgive me, surely I can forgive anyone.

The hardest thing to do is forgive, and love unconditionally. It’s only when you understand that you are a vessel that promulgates  God’s love that you start to understand these two things. Like me, you and I are incapable of fully and honestly forgiving. God does, God has. 

I tried explaining to my mother the other day that it was not her responsibility to forgive her stepmother. That what she (stepmother) had done to them is humanly impossible to forgive. But, if she could just allow Christ to forgive through her (my mother), then she would find the peace she’s seeking. 

In Christ, the old man is dead, and the new man is born again, with salvation and eternal life.

In Christ, I am born again. In Christ, I am renewed. In Christ, who can stop me?! Surely! 

C. E. O

Guys, I am a CEO, well, have been for quite sometime, and the psychology of the work space is very very important.

I shared a couple of tweets last week about what I believe is a good leader. In retrospect, I asked myself what is the kind of leader I want to be, and what would the kind of leader be who led me? Guys, forgive the wish washy sentencing. Basically, this is the boss I’d like to be.

1. It’s is important as an employer to cultivate an environment of trust! With trust comes loyalty, and growth! Your team needs to be able to trust you so that they can efficiently work in an environment that nurtures them. Your team needs to know that you have their backs, in whatever they do. Trust builds loyalty. Trust allows for the team to grow because they KNOW. Trust means that they will see you through, in the thick and thin, the highs and the lows, the glory and the fall. Trust means that you don’t even have to be there for work to get done! It shall get done. Without trust, your brand, your company, can all go to the dogs because your employees don’t see the need as to why they should hold you!

2. Your team needs to know they are valuable, and also needs to know your values as an employer. You need to be on the same page. If I value what you bring to the table, then it’s easy for me to understand what you mean to the company and the process. If you know what I value, then it’s easy to figure out what to bring to the table. Communication becomes easier, work flow becomes easier, the process becomes easier. If we value different things, mehn oh mehn, we are going to have conflicts. I always like my Sundays free, for church, and family. If my employer wants me to work on a Sunday, then that is going to be a challenge. Sometimes it is in the things we value too. Ensure your team knows your values, and find out what their values are.

3. Being an employer means being a good leader. Get off that high horse and build a camaraderie with your work force. If you are unapproachable as a boss, then you are going to have issues, lots of issues. Part of building a solid team is knowing that anyone in the office can approach you and not get to feel intimidated when they do. You’d be surprised about what you’d find out. Again, it gets easier when communicating. 

4. Try and figure out your teams strength and weaknesses, and capitalize on those aspects. Build the team yo.

5. Always keep lines of communication. In good times and bad. Let them know what the process is, and what the commitment to the process is!

6. And as the team leader, it’s important to know the mechanics, and processes of everyone on the team. To know is to be wise.

7. If you are passionate about what you do, then it’s easier to pick a team with the same dream.

8. Be teachable! Always be open to the idea that you can learn something new. Always!

I will keep adding to this post until we get there! 

July Musings ’17

  1. Praise God. Amen

    Oh yeah, blood, brother, bro, dude, mehn oh mehn, guyi gwe, haza mwana, I decided to put God first this year, in everything. Little did I know it would take me on an eight month journey that I can surmise in one word, God.

  2. Allow the idiot in you to prosper.

    What is self actualization? What is self? What is actualization? One of my favourite aphorisms is the statement, “the absence of presence, and the presence of absence” which was one of my fave arguments back in design school. Looking back, in this journey called life, there’s nothing like self actualization I believe. To be actualized means to come to a complete end, which ideally in this case would be non existence. I rather prefer to be self aware, which I believe you achieve in this journey called life – everyday. Let the inner you, and the outer you meet for a cup of coffee or tea, and talk it out, and see what’s going on, and see if you are on the same page or are in different phases of life, maybe then you can start to see life in a different glow.

  3. Ambition

    I think I’ve written about this before. One of my favourite songs I believe. What is your ambition? Like Kanye asked, is it money? is it cars? or is it hoes? Ambition is priceless, it is in your veins. You put your mind to it, anything, then you can achieve it.

  4.  Fear

    What are we really afraid of? I love hearing 20 year olds talk about their dreams, but fear what it means to achieve them, fear the failure that comes with their dreams! If it is a dream, come on, what’s the worst that could go wrong? We are afraid to start, and worry about failure of losing even before it’s began. Cast your fears away, what’s there to lose? Are you afraid to restart? Restarting means that’s there’s progress, there’s movement! Cast your fear away, and dream!

  5. Vision

    The ability to see further. Do you have that?

  6. June

    It was an ok month!

  7. July

    One of those months that tested my faith, and I am glad I stuck to the principle. Sometimes life comes at you really fast, you don’t even have time to press the brakes. Most times when we are down, feeling defeated and really not into this thing called living, just remember the good. We are sometimes most adamant about getting what we want that when we stumble and fall, we either quit, give up and walk away! BUT, why would you give up on your dream? Take it is an opportunity to work harder, better, smarter, wiser, and be patient with yourself. For crying out loud, it took you 12 months to become a year older! Come on.

  8. August

    Is finally here. Mehn oh mehn…it’s that time of the year that gets me excited, puts me in overdrive, and well, I am excited about this. God before everything. I desire it, I shall get it, work for it, look for it, and never give up on it.

Happy new month idiots.

Spread love, cheers, and smile.

Just!

Love!

That’s it.

Again, church was amazing this Sunday. Who knew I’d get all the catharsis I need from Sunday church? Well, God knew but hey, I was big headed enough to believe otherwise. They started this new preaching about “open secrets to a successful marriage!” Well, you can imagine I was all ears. [ Well, apply these open secrets to life in general]

First things first, just LOVE. Like God’s kinda love but we all know we can barely emulate even a morsel of that! So, try to love without holding back, not for them, but for yourself. And well, you can only love others if you love God, and through Him can you freely love one another. Does this make sense? Well, just love because God loves you.

Back to the main point here.

The first secret was : EXPECTATIONS!

*Drum roll please* DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!

When we start to expect, and when we heap expectations on others, we naturally set ourselves up for failure. You are just allowing for the other person to disappoint you. If you think about it, it’s natural to expect for things  especially from a loved one or your partner. It’s impossible not to. I had a taste of my own medicine this morning when I didn’t get a message from my best friend and partner in crime, and I worried because I expected to get one, and when I called, they were actually too busy to get in touch. It is eccentric to not expect, for many will call you crazy but when you start NOT to expect, life starts to open doors. It sets you free from all the things you’d expect and allows you to view yourself and life in a more enthralling way.

Expectations are the number one cause of issues in relationships. When you put relationships under a micro scope, most arguments, fights and disagreements stem from expectation(s). She was supposed to do this? He was expected to have done this? Why did you forget to do this? Most times when we expect, it’s not that we can’t do these things ourselves, we are either preoccupied or just just want someone to do it.

So, the first secret in a relationship and in life generally is to not expect, or rather manage your expectations. Don’t self inflict pain on yourself trying to expect things that will not be done, given or achieved when you can; firstly, do them yourself. Secondly, you can still do them yourself. I’ve heard people ask and pray about change, the power to change and if they can’t, accept that change.

Setting yourself free from expectations and allowing things to be will allow you to be free to love!

So, will you stop expecting or….

Anyway….just

Forgiving

If I had a bullet for everyone that hurt me then well, there would be many ghosts haunting me.

The hardest thing to do is to forgive. And I am pretty sure it’s not the actual forgiving that’s hard, it’s letting go of the reason as to why you shouldn’t forgive them in the first place that is the hardest. I’ve been on this three months spiritual trek and it’s been amazing, difficult and amazing. And prior to this last week’s preaching, a name kept on popping/playing at the back of my mind. It just wouldn’t stop nagging me whenever I had a moment to myself.

For the whole week prior to Sunday, I kept on wondering why the name was on mind.

So, on Sunday, after preaching, one of the key points was to forgive as a form of love. The truth is that God is Love, and so if He can love us, and forgive us, and we are created in His image, then why shouldn’t we forgive as well. And when we forgive, make sure that we have forgiven.

Among the few things that have transformed in my life since this journey began is to let go, and Let God. There was pain I was holding on to, a pain that kept on strangling the spirit, a pain that had a soul tie, a pain that I had unconsciously held onto. So when that name popped up, surprise surprise. I blamed this person for causing this pain…we humans can be feeble sometimes, share the blame or just throw it on someone, and this pain always brought about an anger that I didn’t like at all.

Back to Sunday…

So our assignment was simple, forgive that person you believed has caused you pain. And honestly forgive them. Don’t do it for them, do it for yourself. Do it for your soul. And also love or share a form of love with three random people. And thus, after church was done, I sat down, meditated for a little bit and then wrote an email, apologizing first and asking for forgiveness and forgiving as well.

No, it doesn’t just randomly go away but I know I was at peace. I had forgiven, and there was no backsies. And I felt lighter, happier. I sometimes sit and muse at how sometimes the hardest things to do give the greatest rewards. And so, I choose to forgive. And love. Never the easiest things to do but I believe they are the most rewarding.

Anywho, my acts of love;

Thanks for reading this blog. Thanks to those that share, like and comment. I sometimes are reclusive but I appreciate every click. Love you guys 😊

P.3A Musings – First Day of School

Back in the day, 1996 to be exact, I transitioned from a day primary school to a boarding primary school. It was all sorts of exciting my first day. It was Wednesday and I checked into P.3A at around 3:00pm that afternoon. Ms Nabwire my class teacher welcomed me with open arms. I look different from most of my classmates. My eyes had life yet theirs looked like the lunch they had just an hour ago was there no more.

Boarding school had been a big dream of mine. I had spent the whole of my first term of P.3 in Kitante Primary school convincing my parents that boarding school would be the best thing that happened to me. I doubt they actually knew the reasons why I wanted to go to boarding school so bad. I’d spent the holiday with my friend James, and from how he described boarding school, it sounded a lot like Jesus’ second coming – paradise.

James had told me that he was given pocket money and was allowed to carry grab, and he had proof to show. He had returned home that holiday with 800/- shillings of the 1,000/- shillings he was given at the beginning of the term. While standing at the neighbourhood canteen with James narrating what boarding school was like, while buying ball gum for 50/- shillings, I knew I had to join too. He then told me how he still had some of the g.nuts, small daddies, biscuits and quencher left over from the previous term at home. I was even more sold. Boarding school was a must. He also told me that there was a visiting day where parents brought all sorts of food when they came to see you and you could eat all you want. What? This was the nail, the hammer at that point was useless.

And here I was now, looking at a bunch of starved kids, looking back at me like their next prey. It was then that I realized that I had made a very very huge mistake. To top all that, my parents left for home without leaving me any pocket money. Nor did they leave me with g.nuts, small daddies, biscuits or even quencher. Remembering, James had told me that they carried lear, or was it layer, maybe leah? Oh well, there was no leah in this school. Layer was clothes you carried from home that was not uniform and was worn when you were done with the main school stuff. Well, St. Savio had a bunch of red clothes I had to put on when all the school stuff was done.

Was the dream James sold me different from what my reality was? Where was James? I thought there was only one boarding primary school? Did he go to a different one? At that moment, standing in front of Ms Nabwire, I was not going to school, I was walking into jail. It was then that I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life, thinking like an adult. Was this really boarding school?