July Musings ’17

  1. Praise God. Amen

    Oh yeah, blood, brother, bro, dude, mehn oh mehn, guyi gwe, haza mwana, I decided to put God first this year, in everything. Little did I know it would take me on an eight month journey that I can surmise in one word, God.

  2. Allow the idiot in you to prosper.

    What is self actualization? What is self? What is actualization? One of my favourite aphorisms is the statement, “the absence of presence, and the presence of absence” which was one of my fave arguments back in design school. Looking back, in this journey called life, there’s nothing like self actualization I believe. To be actualized means to come to a complete end, which ideally in this case would be non existence. I rather prefer to be self aware, which I believe you achieve in this journey called life – everyday. Let the inner you, and the outer you meet for a cup of coffee or tea, and talk it out, and see what’s going on, and see if you are on the same page or are in different phases of life, maybe then you can start to see life in a different glow.

  3. Ambition

    I think I’ve written about this before. One of my favourite songs I believe. What is your ambition? Like Kanye asked, is it money? is it cars? or is it hoes? Ambition is priceless, it is in your veins. You put your mind to it, anything, then you can achieve it.

  4.  Fear

    What are we really afraid of? I love hearing 20 year olds talk about their dreams, but fear what it means to achieve them, fear the failure that comes with their dreams! If it is a dream, come on, what’s the worst that could go wrong? We are afraid to start, and worry about failure of losing even before it’s began. Cast your fears away, what’s there to lose? Are you afraid to restart? Restarting means that’s there’s progress, there’s movement! Cast your fear away, and dream!

  5. Vision

    The ability to see further. Do you have that?

  6. June

    It was an ok month!

  7. July

    One of those months that tested my faith, and I am glad I stuck to the principle. Sometimes life comes at you really fast, you don’t even have time to press the brakes. Most times when we are down, feeling defeated and really not into this thing called living, just remember the good. We are sometimes most adamant about getting what we want that when we stumble and fall, we either quit, give up and walk away! BUT, why would you give up on your dream? Take it is an opportunity to work harder, better, smarter, wiser, and be patient with yourself. For crying out loud, it took you 12 months to become a year older! Come on.

  8. August

    Is finally here. Mehn oh mehn…it’s that time of the year that gets me excited, puts me in overdrive, and well, I am excited about this. God before everything. I desire it, I shall get it, work for it, look for it, and never give up on it.

Happy new month idiots.

Spread love, cheers, and smile.

Just!

Love!

That’s it.

Again, church was amazing this Sunday. Who knew I’d get all the catharsis I need from Sunday church? Well, God knew but hey, I was big headed enough to believe otherwise. They started this new preaching about “open secrets to a successful marriage!” Well, you can imagine I was all ears. [ Well, apply these open secrets to life in general]

First things first, just LOVE. Like God’s kinda love but we all know we can barely emulate even a morsel of that! So, try to love without holding back, not for them, but for yourself. And well, you can only love others if you love God, and through Him can you freely love one another. Does this make sense? Well, just love because God loves you.

Back to the main point here.

The first secret was : EXPECTATIONS!

*Drum roll please* DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!

When we start to expect, and when we heap expectations on others, we naturally set ourselves up for failure. You are just allowing for the other person to disappoint you. If you think about it, it’s natural to expect for things  especially from a loved one or your partner. It’s impossible not to. I had a taste of my own medicine this morning when I didn’t get a message from my best friend and partner in crime, and I worried because I expected to get one, and when I called, they were actually too busy to get in touch. It is eccentric to not expect, for many will call you crazy but when you start NOT to expect, life starts to open doors. It sets you free from all the things you’d expect and allows you to view yourself and life in a more enthralling way.

Expectations are the number one cause of issues in relationships. When you put relationships under a micro scope, most arguments, fights and disagreements stem from expectation(s). She was supposed to do this? He was expected to have done this? Why did you forget to do this? Most times when we expect, it’s not that we can’t do these things ourselves, we are either preoccupied or just just want someone to do it.

So, the first secret in a relationship and in life generally is to not expect, or rather manage your expectations. Don’t self inflict pain on yourself trying to expect things that will not be done, given or achieved when you can; firstly, do them yourself. Secondly, you can still do them yourself. I’ve heard people ask and pray about change, the power to change and if they can’t, accept that change.

Setting yourself free from expectations and allowing things to be will allow you to be free to love!

So, will you stop expecting or….

Anyway….just

Forgiving

If I had a bullet for everyone that hurt me then well, there would be many ghosts haunting me.

The hardest thing to do is to forgive. And I am pretty sure it’s not the actual forgiving that’s hard, it’s letting go of the reason as to why you shouldn’t forgive them in the first place that is the hardest. I’ve been on this three months spiritual trek and it’s been amazing, difficult and amazing. And prior to this last week’s preaching, a name kept on popping/playing at the back of my mind. It just wouldn’t stop nagging me whenever I had a moment to myself.

For the whole week prior to Sunday, I kept on wondering why the name was on mind.

So, on Sunday, after preaching, one of the key points was to forgive as a form of love. The truth is that God is Love, and so if He can love us, and forgive us, and we are created in His image, then why shouldn’t we forgive as well. And when we forgive, make sure that we have forgiven.

Among the few things that have transformed in my life since this journey began is to let go, and Let God. There was pain I was holding on to, a pain that kept on strangling the spirit, a pain that had a soul tie, a pain that I had unconsciously held onto. So when that name popped up, surprise surprise. I blamed this person for causing this pain…we humans can be feeble sometimes, share the blame or just throw it on someone, and this pain always brought about an anger that I didn’t like at all.

Back to Sunday…

So our assignment was simple, forgive that person you believed has caused you pain. And honestly forgive them. Don’t do it for them, do it for yourself. Do it for your soul. And also love or share a form of love with three random people. And thus, after church was done, I sat down, meditated for a little bit and then wrote an email, apologizing first and asking for forgiveness and forgiving as well.

No, it doesn’t just randomly go away but I know I was at peace. I had forgiven, and there was no backsies. And I felt lighter, happier. I sometimes sit and muse at how sometimes the hardest things to do give the greatest rewards. And so, I choose to forgive. And love. Never the easiest things to do but I believe they are the most rewarding.

Anywho, my acts of love;

Thanks for reading this blog. Thanks to those that share, like and comment. I sometimes are reclusive but I appreciate every click. Love you guys 😊

P.3A Musings – First Day of School

Back in the day, 1996 to be exact, I transitioned from a day primary school to a boarding primary school. It was all sorts of exciting my first day. It was Wednesday and I checked into P.3A at around 3:00pm that afternoon. Ms Nabwire my class teacher welcomed me with open arms. I look different from most of my classmates. My eyes had life yet theirs looked like the lunch they had just an hour ago was there no more.

Boarding school had been a big dream of mine. I had spent the whole of my first term of P.3 in Kitante Primary school convincing my parents that boarding school would be the best thing that happened to me. I doubt they actually knew the reasons why I wanted to go to boarding school so bad. I’d spent the holiday with my friend James, and from how he described boarding school, it sounded a lot like Jesus’ second coming – paradise.

James had told me that he was given pocket money and was allowed to carry grab, and he had proof to show. He had returned home that holiday with 800/- shillings of the 1,000/- shillings he was given at the beginning of the term. While standing at the neighbourhood canteen with James narrating what boarding school was like, while buying ball gum for 50/- shillings, I knew I had to join too. He then told me how he still had some of the g.nuts, small daddies, biscuits and quencher left over from the previous term at home. I was even more sold. Boarding school was a must. He also told me that there was a visiting day where parents brought all sorts of food when they came to see you and you could eat all you want. What? This was the nail, the hammer at that point was useless.

And here I was now, looking at a bunch of starved kids, looking back at me like their next prey. It was then that I realized that I had made a very very huge mistake. To top all that, my parents left for home without leaving me any pocket money. Nor did they leave me with g.nuts, small daddies, biscuits or even quencher. Remembering, James had told me that they carried lear, or was it layer, maybe leah? Oh well, there was no leah in this school. Layer was clothes you carried from home that was not uniform and was worn when you were done with the main school stuff. Well, St. Savio had a bunch of red clothes I had to put on when all the school stuff was done.

Was the dream James sold me different from what my reality was? Where was James? I thought there was only one boarding primary school? Did he go to a different one? At that moment, standing in front of Ms Nabwire, I was not going to school, I was walking into jail. It was then that I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life, thinking like an adult. Was this really boarding school?

29

I have had a lot to write about recently but where my mind has been, even I could not dig it out. But today, I must write because today begins a transition, significantly more important, or less, because I was born 29 years ago (some still say I am 24! Thanks Kylie). As I begin this rather exciting journey, I honestly look back at some significant things that have happened in my life. Also, I feel old albeit still feeling young. Life is but a paradox! 

1. I’d like to thank my parents. Honestly, I sometimes think they look at me and wonder, is this what we made? I don’t think I have disappointed them yet, or have I? Nonetheless, I am here because of them and now that I am old, and know how babies are made, eeeewwwww mum and dad.

2. Being a first born is dope. Till you get competition, and some more, and then you just stop being relevant when the fifth comes along. Yes, I am talking about my siblings who took my limelight year after year. Those idiots surprisingly are good company till they take some of the love that was originally yours.

3. I was born on Easter Sunday these many years ago. And 3 is my fave number. Sometimes I feel like Jesus, because of my birthday. Well, my point is that 3 is my fave number.

4. I once escaped from home – Makerere, when I was 4 to go for my cousin’s birthday in Kamwokya. My mum claims, I am not too sure or even remember doing this but hey, my big head got beaten because of that. 

5. My neigbour once gave me a toy car for my birthday and after we cut the cake, this dude took back his toy car. Apparently the father hadn’t given him permission to. I know, it’s been this long but hey, I can forgive but not forget. Got circumcised too! Lol.

6. I had my first crush.

7. I once got drunk and passed out in a banana plantation at a baptism party somewhere in Nabbingo. The coke tasted different. My uncle gave me some of his punch and I was KOed before I knew it. Luckily, I woke up in time for the cake cutting. I love cake too.

8. I joined boarding school.

9. Mehn, I was still in boarding school and it sucked but hey, I had made the decision all because my cousin was given pocket money.

10. I was in a heist. Bun robbers to be precise. Our buns has been locked up by the class teacher because we were noise makers. So, I decided to take the initiative and break into the cupboard. That’s how I met my best friend, then. 

11. Boarding school had refused to end, but I was just a year away from P.7, I had to hung in there. The system had broken me. And then my class teacher comes to tell us that we shall never stop learning. This hurt, seeing as I was tired of school. Little did I know that I would understand this when I was finally done with school.

12. Finally! Done with boarding school, candidate of the millennium. And then my arch rival was born. The last of five, first of they took all the love from us! My baby brother. 

13. I thought I grew up a little here. Oh the famed secondary school level! And my passion for writing was thus ignited. I started to write in a journal. I should look up some of these journals and see where my mind was!

14. Secondary school was easy. And my innate passion for Architecture was triggered. I was rather fascinated by buildings.

15. I read my first Novel. Not sure what the title was, but it was a Sydney Sheldon book. Thought him to be a lady seeing as most of his protagonists were ladies.

16. Of crushes and love letters. Hello, CLAK! I also learnt to drive. I once stole my father’s car just to drive around the nieghbourhood before I was caught and told to write an apology letter and within it reasons as to why I stole the car! Aha!

17. Almost there. I can finally see the light. Almost done with tertiary education. Honestly, my high school was not as impressive as some people say theirs were! I was a laid back chilled guy trying to live another day. 

18. Uhm. Grown up woot woot. Honestly, it was the first time I realized that I was grown up and I could get jailed. I also went to cooking school because I had the driving thing locked down 😎! 

19. Hello campus and all the bad decisions! Very frightening bad decisions. First successful surgery! First relationship. I remember telling her we were going to get married! 

20. First break up! Who knew relationships were not as rosy as what I watched in the Notebook! 

21. Maybe Architecture is not as easy as I thought it was. 

22. Who am I and why am I here! The famed introspective question hits me. What is life? And the sickness kicks in! Depression also kicks in. There was a lot of anger in me that never seemed to have an outlet! 

23. Hummmm? Life happened. 

24. Isn’t love a beautiful thing. MMMKR!

25. The typical midlife crisis! For Ugandans that is. Isn’t adulting a trap. Got my first job as a client service personnel in an advertising firm. I was tired of Architecture and need a mental break. 

26. Maybe Architecture is not that bad at all. I also started and owned a restaurant, and also failed. 2014 was a year of many things. I also registered my first company!

27. I honestly felt I had been through a lot. Three jobs in three years and a failed restaurant, and a project that took me deep deep into the village was also the reason I needed to officially start my own company.

28. Last year was amazing. C.E.O things aside, I just realized that time is something we barely grasp, and I needed to get myself in order. I also met some really amazing people. I won’t mention them, but they know themselves. They have made my rather mundane life a little thrilling. They’ve got my back even when I fall off the chair. They’ve propped me up and reminded me that I am special. But what can I say, Lulu and Lula have really been awesome. Eve, Mark, and Justin. Robert and Marvin are the other musketeers. There’s one who went but she won’t be forgotten, Julie – we got your back! 

29. I don’t think I’ve said much, but I am just grateful for the gift of life, for the gift of family, for the gift of friends, for the gift of tomorrow, for the gift of work. The older I grow, the more I realize that the things I held most significant might not matter tomorrow but as long as I stay true to myself, and believe in doing the right thing, and giving my most, I shall be happy. As I start this new year, I don’t believe there can be a new me, but rather a refined me, from the lessons I have learnt these past few years. Like my maths teacher said when I was 10 or 11, we never stop learning. And he should have added something, we never stop growing. Spread love, peace and a little laughter here and there.

Happy birthday Conrad.

Wine-r

How do ladies take wine? Frequently at that!?

How?

This has been on my mind for the last two weeks. What magic is embued in your bodies?

About two weeks ago, at a family shindig, there happened to be enough wine to compete with Jesus’ miracle in Canaa. Wine was flowing like the river Nile, and we were swimming in the river. It happened to be a family reunion that was a few months over due. Anyway, I decided to take wine seeing as there was no beer.

And I took that wine. I probably put Conrad in Namaqua, Conradaqua…

Whilst the government was celebrating and commemorating its conquering of the old regime, I was drowning myself in wine. Tumbler after tumbler. And the beauty about wine is it takes its gentle time to massage your ego before throwing you off the cliff. The evening was indeed amazing I even packed some for the road. 

I headed home, buzzed but not wasted. On my way, I got another box of wine before calling it an almost night at a friend’s place. We played with the box of wine like young children who had just discovered its exciting contents. Come midnight, I headed home still feeling fresh. The wine was still massaging my ego.

I get home, sleep off, buzzed but very ok. And it was at this time that the wine started to slowly push me towards the cliff. I awoke the next morning, feeling relatively ok. I did have breakfast as well. Seeing as it was a Friday, and I employ myself, I could afford to be late for work. I think having breakfast was the cue for the wine just pushed me off the cliff, and down I went. All my muscles ached, I got food poisoning, I could barely walk. I just crawled back to bed and napped. My body felt like a masseuse was hacking me, using a hammer to hit my joints. The fetal position couldn’t even do the trick. 

Ah, wine. Bloody wine!

My Friday was spent thinking about how I am never doing wine again. What horseless shit did I drink!? How do ladies do it? What black magic do you have to use before taking wine? I finally recovered at 2:00am that Saturday morning, and it was pretty late to go for work then.

Let’s just say I am not about that wine life. I am not a winer!