Pebble in My Shoe

Growing up, whenever a pebble got stuck in my shoe, I’d tussle with my toes to move it to the side till I felt I was comfortable. The pebble though, remained in my shoe.

In retrospect, it would have been easier to just remove the shoe, take the pebble out and wear the shoe again, but that would take time. Time I believed I didn’t have.

The pebble in the shoe was uncomfortable, pressing against my toes, cutting, piercing and yet, I’d rather chose to push it to the side and walk the whole day till evening when I eventually got home and removed it.

The pebble probably got into the shoe whilst I was playing in the sand, a rather fun activity!

Looking back, the pebble in the shoe is many things that happen to us in life. The small things that give us discomfort and yet we just randomly push them to the side, waiting till much later to remove them.

The challenge is, when we remove them, we are sore, hurt, pained and frustrated. And yet, we could just have removed them much earlier. All we needed was to stop for a moment, in time and remove the pebble.

What pebbles do you have in your life that you feel are just waiting for the dusk before they are removed? And what’s stopping you from stopping? Is the stopping that difficult to do? To achieve? Will the stopping waste your time? The pebble was probably something that happened because you enjoyed playing in the sand! So, will you stop playing in the sand because the pebble got stuck in your shoe yesterday?

This is my February pebble.

And a happy wordversary to myself. 10 years writing! Woot woot!

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Thoughts…

1.

He walks, stall to stall, looking for his missing wife, or sister, or mother. I can see the strange eyes everyone is giving him. How can this dread head dirty sneakers wearing loon be looking for this woman. Many don’t even look at the photo afraid that they might let him loose on her. They think they might know the reason she left. Look at him? Does he deserve her? Isn’t he the reason she’s missing. All he wants is to find her. He’s lost his voice asking people where they might have seen her.

I drive past him, thinking to myself, where indeed is she?

2.

He’s tired of calling. Everyone has refused, deliberately to pick his calls. They always know what he wants. They always know what he needs. He wants to borrow some money. He claims he will pay back in under a week. He’s good for it. He guarantees that there’s someone who’s supposed to have paid him but delayed. He begs.

“Hello?!” I pick up, knowing already what to expect.

3.

The alarm goes off! The nights are short, the days even longer. Is this what they call existence? He stares at the alarm, turning it off. That alarm song is irritating. He should change it. Does he really need the alarm? He’s woken up five minutes before the alarm, everyday this week. He wonders whether his head is faulty.

I turn off the alarm. It’s 15 minutes to midnight. It’s time to go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.

4.

You are lost! Where have you been? What have you been up to?

I think sometimes we are lost because we do not want to be found. And found by people we already sought to lose.

5.

Who are you? Time is the one element that brings focus on every existential being. Time is the only factor that affects everything, except in the spirit. There, we’ve transcended time. There, time does not exist. There, there’s eternity. There, is where we should dwell.

Who am I? I am God. I am Christ. I am the Church. Who are you?

My 2017

As the year comes to an end; time check, 7:00am – Sunday 31st December, 2017, I am laying in bed, reminiscing on what a great year this has been.

January.

I remember the 60 days of January, trying to figure out how I was going to manage them. How exactly was I going to get through? I was frustrated at how I spoilt the most beautiful thing and probably the best thing to me in 2016! How? We’d fought and we could barely talk. Like January’s 60 days, I was resilient! The best advice I got was, “be patient with yourself!” Thanks Don. I am glad I did! January was so long I did reflect on it a lot. Resolutions? Hahaha! I remember stating that my only resolution this year was to let go, and let God. I am glad I did. Also, the brokeness! The company needed massive reviewing! Sonia graduated!

February!

It’s her birth month! And we started to talk again! It is indeed the month of love. We decided to start, afresh, as friends! I chose to. I was determined to be her friend. And I am glad I did. The business took a new twist, a small learning curve. I was looking for God! I wanted God! We celebrated my fave people’s birthdays! My Ndoi and Chloe!

March.

I got an invite to come to church! I didn’t know yet that God was calling his child back to the fold! I was at first hesitant but I decided to go! Church is amazing! I didn’t know that this would impact my year as much but I was glad I went the first time! I also got an invite to join Club 1000! God was loving on me.

April!

Hahahaha! I experienced God on a whole other level. There was much to celebrate in the Easter season. I started to believe in my purpose. I learnt and unlearnt many Spiritual elements and facts! I started to understand my purpose even more. I started to slowly dissolve from the public scene and keep more to myself. It’s my birth month too. I fell in love with her, again. I am thankful for her. I pray for her, Mabucci.

May!

Church was amazing. I can’t seem to understand what took me long. God is good. God is taking the wheel! I did find myself holding on but I was being encouraged to let go. God is providing and provided. My prayers became focal to growing myself and the people around me!

June.

This month is for and was for reviewing how far I had come! God’s wheels were set in motion for the best and final half of the year!

July!

I was forced to re-evaluate my friends and friendships! Maybe some are not healthy and others are! There’s one such friendship that honestly tested my faith and I was torn between being Godly and not. I started to understand human truths and Godly truths. I was reminded of forgiveness and healing. I was loved even when I found myself undeserving! I loved on my partner, and I am glad they taught us the open secrets to a happy marriage! Love is a choice! Church is amazing! The business started to pick up! I decided to move out, get a new place – my own, and start afresh!

August!

What are my values? What are the things that make me, me? I fell in love with my best friend’s family! My source of joy! My values as a CEO and head of the company were affirmed! I was ready for the year! God’s love for us is boundless!

September

Maybe working for my parents wasn’t such a good idea! Parents have expectations for us that when we don’t meet them we ‘fall’ short of their love and patience! I realized that the things I wanted for my self are not the ones my mother wanted for me.

October!

WATAMU!

She said YES!

November.

I’ve finally let go and God is in control!

December.

I now look back at the year, smiling and happy! The journey has been exciting. God has been faithful! His grace is bountiful!His love never ending! My company is well and booming! I am in love, and I found God. 2017 has been a beautiful journey, and 2018 is going to be even better. God is good!

Inner Peace

Like Master Shifu spent most of the third installation of the Kung Fu Panda movie doing, finding your inner peace is seldom experienced. I mean, what is inner peace? How do you even know you have inner peace?

I think…

Have you noticed how things that would bother, irk you in the past now don’t even vex or move you? That someone said something or even thought it about you no longer has an impact on your self esteem? Have you noticed that the problems you once assumed were the end of the world don’t even come close to national security quotas? That that issue you once pondered on for months on without end seems to be like a breeze on a cold Friday morning with the sun rise in the back drop?

I think…

Inner peace is mostly finding comfort with oneself and just doing you. And I don’t mean a doing you that’s unrealistic but rather a doing you that you enjoy being you.

I think…

We find inner peace when we allow the inner man to be. The inner man – soul – gut – or whatever you want to call it is influenced by a lot, society, society and some more society. But, if you let the Spirit man guide your inner man, oh, you will start to enjoy inner peace.

I think…

I digress a little here. God is faithful. God is graceful and loving. I sometimes amuse when we shudder at God’s love for us thinking that He’s just being exceptional in that moment. I believe that to a greater extent, staying attuned to the Father allows for you to enjoy the full time excellence you occasionally experience as a miracle because life.

I think…

To find inner peace is to allow yourself to be one and a whole. Meditation, seclusion, prayer, exercising, living wholly. You need to be one with yourself. Our biggest detractors are ourselves. We always short change ourselves, our abilities, our strengths. We always want to assume we are inadequate so as to take the fall lightly when we actually fail. Nope. You need to fall. And get up, and fall again. You do it long enough and maybe you actually start to rise higher and move faster. Most times, we are afraid of falling and when we do, we are fearful of rising, again.

I mean, the Dark Knight Rose….sorry, Jesus rose!

I think…

Fulfillment in life, goals, ambition are all important. But the greatest thing that has happened to humanity is to fall in love. To be in love. Love your God, with all your heart, spirit and body. And love another, as you’d love yourself.

I think the secret to inner peace is to be one with the Spirit – God. Love your God. To love others. Your soul and inner man should invest in loving others for where there’s love, there can’t be hate. And when your inner man is loving others, the over flow simply means you are in love with yourself. Finding inner peace is to love others for it’s through loving others that you will understand how to love oneself.

I think inner peace is coming to the understanding that you were put here for a purpose and through our Creator, achieving that inner peace, gives us the strength to go beyond.

Have your found your love?

DANSK!

It’s the season for loving, and giving, and inner peace.

Refresh; Life in the Spirit

You are Spirit, With a Soul, In a Body.

This has been the teaching at church for the last few weeks.

This has sort of thrown light into some thoughts I have been having recently.

So, last evening after our MC fellowshipping, I had a chat with a friend who was in the same place I was about 7 months ago. At the time, I was asking myself who I was, and what my relationship with Christ was. I was seeking Him out. I had surrounded myself with people who seemed to know Him, had an intimate relationship with Him, and seemed to have everything together. They were truly and honestly happy. Not the false happiness we wear on our faces, hide behind our smiles, but radiating happiness.

I kept on asking myself what they had, that I didn’t! I kept on wondering what they did, that I wasn’t doing. It would hurt me internally when I saw the joy and testimonies they told when we met. I wanted that. I wanted that joy, that happiness. If Christ really was giving them that joy, why wasn’t He giving me the same joy?

Anyway, when I started this relationship with Christ, to a greater extent I thought that things would happen immediately, and that I’d be in a better place and space like my friends were. I expected much. I desired for much. Boy, I wanted what they were getting.

But then, I realized that we are different. Our understanding and relationships with Him were different. I understood that it was a journey. I knew that eventually I’d be where they were. I started to hold no grudges and slowly started to trust in Christ, and in God, and building a relationship with Him.

My personal relationship with Christ is that of an older, wiser brother who is always looking out for the younger brother. And to me, God is my parent. That’s my relationship with them. To some, Jesus is their best friend. Well, the more time I spent thinking about Christ, and listened and heard, the more I realized that God is always with us, and we are always with Him. God has always wanted us to have a personal relationship with Him.

The Bible holds the answers to all the questions we most times don’t have answers to. Last night, taking to a friend who was where I felt I was months ago, it was easy to relate and see in what state of mind he was and it was easier preaching to him.

We are here to be Spirit filled and Spirit led, and to continuously renew our minds to Christ like things. Focusing on Christ like things is to have life and peace, and to be carnally minded is death was the teaching at fellowship yesterday. And having experienced Christ in every aspect of my life these last few months has been humbling.

What is your relationship with Christ?

I know and believe that God is walking with us everyday, communing with us through prayer, and that all that you need, desire, seek in Him, you will find. Phil 4:8!

Have a lovely month!

Values!

What. Are. Your. Values?

Who are you? What are you?

This is the question I’ve asked myself most this year. Who am I?

And like the saying goes, you look for something long enough and you surely are going to find it. And I am so glad I finally found what I was looking for! I finally found myself. I finally knew who I was! I finally understood the path that I should walk!

And it starts with values! What are your values as an individual? What are my values? Surprisingly, our values reflect deeply in all aspects of our life. In our spiritual, physical, financial, relational and intellectual spaces.

Finding your values is not a one day event that ends in you understanding what you need to do but rather a journey, a purposeful journey, that pushes you in the direction you need to walk. Personally, mine started when I was looking for a relationship with God. I honestly felt that I was lacking spiritually even if I believed and acted according to my faith. And when I started to figure out what kind of relationship I have with the Alpha and Omega, the Creator, it’s become increasingly and increasingly clear where I should go.

And most of all, I understood what my values are as a christian. When I got a hold of these elements and aspects of what I am, I started to apply them into various spaces of my life, my family, my relationships with my partner and friends, my work, and every little thing that I do.

It is exciting I tell you. You start to see life in the Godly dimension, and that is the most comfortable way of living. No stress. Peace of mind. Only good things I tell you.

So, what are your values?