Rice and Peas

Oh, that’s what I had for lunch.

The other day, my friend returned to church and the first thing he said when they were asking for testimonies or rather he shouted,”I AM BACK!” Very Terminator-esque but none the less, dope.

I’ve been undertaking a spiritual growth journey recently, that started about a month ago. In this quest for understanding who I am, I sought to understand who created me. I felt that there in lay answers I was looking for.

This year has not been as exciting or as eventful as I hoped it would, well, the cool stuff for me is yet to come. I thought we’d continue on a high like we ended last year but then, my workers were wasteful on site, old clients put a halt to ongoing projects and well, the rest sort of fell into place.

The year ended whilst I was soul searching. I felt that there was a version of me that was better than the one I had right now. And now, I think I am on my way.

It’s difficult when you try to purpose your life based on what you believe is the way to go. To want to be in control of everything is what many of us do every day, and when we fail to control, we then seek God looking for salvation in that moment, and when it’s sorted, we sort, or rather grab the reins from Him. I used to do that, and now, I am none the wiser.

So yes, in this spiritual that was inspired by a friend I decided to let go of the reins. And I dare say, it’s the hardest thing I have ever done. To wholeheartedly believe that you are purposed for God’s bidding and doing is something that I have come to rather see and believe because ever since I started this journey, I have come to a realization that there’s a peace, a comfort, a joy, a fear, uncertainty when you decided to walk down this path. Then again, when you are walking down this path, you are not alone.

So yes, I am very grateful. I am grateful that I’ve started this journey and let go of the reins, and let God do His thing. Am I scared? Shitless! But that’s what happens when you let go. Do I accept? Yes.

Happy mid month!

 

 

P.3A Musings – First Day of School

Back in the day, 1996 to be exact, I transitioned from a day primary school to a boarding primary school. It was all sorts of exciting my first day. It was Wednesday and I checked into P.3A at around 3:00pm that afternoon. Ms Nabwire my class teacher welcomed me with open arms. I look different from most of my classmates. My eyes had life yet theirs looked like the lunch they had just an hour ago was there no more.

Boarding school had been a big dream of mine. I had spent the whole of my first term of P.3 in Kitante Primary school convincing my parents that boarding school would be the best thing that happened to me. I doubt they actually knew the reasons why I wanted to go to boarding school so bad. I’d spent the holiday with my friend James, and from how he described boarding school, it sounded a lot like Jesus’ second coming – paradise.

James had told me that he was given pocket money and was allowed to carry grab, and he had proof to show. He had returned home that holiday with 800/- shillings of the 1,000/- shillings he was given at the beginning of the term. While standing at the neighbourhood canteen with James narrating what boarding school was like, while buying ball gum for 50/- shillings, I knew I had to join too. He then told me how he still had some of the g.nuts, small daddies, biscuits and quencher left over from the previous term at home. I was even more sold. Boarding school was a must. He also told me that there was a visiting day where parents brought all sorts of food when they came to see you and you could eat all you want. What? This was the nail, the hammer at that point was useless.

And here I was now, looking at a bunch of starved kids, looking back at me like their next prey. It was then that I realized that I had made a very very huge mistake. To top all that, my parents left for home without leaving me any pocket money. Nor did they leave me with g.nuts, small daddies, biscuits or even quencher. Remembering, James had told me that they carried lear, or was it layer, maybe leah? Oh well, there was no leah in this school. Layer was clothes you carried from home that was not uniform and was worn when you were done with the main school stuff. Well, St. Savio had a bunch of red clothes I had to put on when all the school stuff was done.

Was the dream James sold me different from what my reality was? Where was James? I thought there was only one boarding primary school? Did he go to a different one? At that moment, standing in front of Ms Nabwire, I was not going to school, I was walking into jail. It was then that I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life, thinking like an adult. Was this really boarding school?

29

I have had a lot to write about recently but where my mind has been, even I could not dig it out. But today, I must write because today begins a transition, significantly more important, or less, because I was born 29 years ago (some still say I am 24! Thanks Kylie). As I begin this rather exciting journey, I honestly look back at some significant things that have happened in my life. Also, I feel old albeit still feeling young. Life is but a paradox! 

1. I’d like to thank my parents. Honestly, I sometimes think they look at me and wonder, is this what we made? I don’t think I have disappointed them yet, or have I? Nonetheless, I am here because of them and now that I am old, and know how babies are made, eeeewwwww mum and dad.

2. Being a first born is dope. Till you get competition, and some more, and then you just stop being relevant when the fifth comes along. Yes, I am talking about my siblings who took my limelight year after year. Those idiots surprisingly are good company till they take some of the love that was originally yours.

3. I was born on Easter Sunday these many years ago. And 3 is my fave number. Sometimes I feel like Jesus, because of my birthday. Well, my point is that 3 is my fave number.

4. I once escaped from home – Makerere, when I was 4 to go for my cousin’s birthday in Kamwokya. My mum claims, I am not too sure or even remember doing this but hey, my big head got beaten because of that. 

5. My neigbour once gave me a toy car for my birthday and after we cut the cake, this dude took back his toy car. Apparently the father hadn’t given him permission to. I know, it’s been this long but hey, I can forgive but not forget. Got circumcised too! Lol.

6. I had my first crush.

7. I once got drunk and passed out in a banana plantation at a baptism party somewhere in Nabbingo. The coke tasted different. My uncle gave me some of his punch and I was KOed before I knew it. Luckily, I woke up in time for the cake cutting. I love cake too.

8. I joined boarding school.

9. Mehn, I was still in boarding school and it sucked but hey, I had made the decision all because my cousin was given pocket money.

10. I was in a heist. Bun robbers to be precise. Our buns has been locked up by the class teacher because we were noise makers. So, I decided to take the initiative and break into the cupboard. That’s how I met my best friend, then. 

11. Boarding school had refused to end, but I was just a year away from P.7, I had to hung in there. The system had broken me. And then my class teacher comes to tell us that we shall never stop learning. This hurt, seeing as I was tired of school. Little did I know that I would understand this when I was finally done with school.

12. Finally! Done with boarding school, candidate of the millennium. And then my arch rival was born. The last of five, first of they took all the love from us! My baby brother. 

13. I thought I grew up a little here. Oh the famed secondary school level! And my passion for writing was thus ignited. I started to write in a journal. I should look up some of these journals and see where my mind was!

14. Secondary school was easy. And my innate passion for Architecture was triggered. I was rather fascinated by buildings.

15. I read my first Novel. Not sure what the title was, but it was a Sydney Sheldon book. Thought him to be a lady seeing as most of his protagonists were ladies.

16. Of crushes and love letters. Hello, CLAK! I also learnt to drive. I once stole my father’s car just to drive around the nieghbourhood before I was caught and told to write an apology letter and within it reasons as to why I stole the car! Aha!

17. Almost there. I can finally see the light. Almost done with tertiary education. Honestly, my high school was not as impressive as some people say theirs were! I was a laid back chilled guy trying to live another day. 

18. Uhm. Grown up woot woot. Honestly, it was the first time I realized that I was grown up and I could get jailed. I also went to cooking school because I had the driving thing locked down 😎! 

19. Hello campus and all the bad decisions! Very frightening bad decisions. First successful surgery! First relationship. I remember telling her we were going to get married! 

20. First break up! Who knew relationships were not as rosy as what I watched in the Notebook! 

21. Maybe Architecture is not as easy as I thought it was. 

22. Who am I and why am I here! The famed introspective question hits me. What is life? And the sickness kicks in! Depression also kicks in. There was a lot of anger in me that never seemed to have an outlet! 

23. Hummmm? Life happened. 

24. Isn’t love a beautiful thing. MMMKR!

25. The typical midlife crisis! For Ugandans that is. Isn’t adulting a trap. Got my first job as a client service personnel in an advertising firm. I was tired of Architecture and need a mental break. 

26. Maybe Architecture is not that bad at all. I also started and owned a restaurant, and also failed. 2014 was a year of many things. I also registered my first company!

27. I honestly felt I had been through a lot. Three jobs in three years and a failed restaurant, and a project that took me deep deep into the village was also the reason I needed to officially start my own company.

28. Last year was amazing. C.E.O things aside, I just realized that time is something we barely grasp, and I needed to get myself in order. I also met some really amazing people. I won’t mention them, but they know themselves. They have made my rather mundane life a little thrilling. They’ve got my back even when I fall off the chair. They’ve propped me up and reminded me that I am special. But what can I say, Lulu and Lula have really been awesome. Eve, Mark, and Justin. Robert and Marvin are the other musketeers. There’s one who went but she won’t be forgotten, Julie – we got your back! 

29. I don’t think I’ve said much, but I am just grateful for the gift of life, for the gift of family, for the gift of friends, for the gift of tomorrow, for the gift of work. The older I grow, the more I realize that the things I held most significant might not matter tomorrow but as long as I stay true to myself, and believe in doing the right thing, and giving my most, I shall be happy. As I start this new year, I don’t believe there can be a new me, but rather a refined me, from the lessons I have learnt these past few years. Like my maths teacher said when I was 10 or 11, we never stop learning. And he should have added something, we never stop growing. Spread love, peace and a little laughter here and there.

Happy birthday Conrad.

Imperfect 

We never stop growing, young or old, we never stop growing. This is a fact.

For a very long time I sought perfection, seeing my way as the only way but recently, I find more and more that even the older me would not like some things the younger me did. I was listening to Lupe’s new album Drogas Light. There’s a song titled Tranquillo in there, and from the title, you can tell that the song is about finding their tranquil space and I’ve been looking for mine. Here’s a snippet from Lupe’s verse…

Peace

No material possessions shall cloud my judgement

As I reach, in an ethereal direction to provide my substance

Love is not found but resides insides me, I manifest this

I will respect myself and wear serenity as my necklace

I will replace what I take and have tranquility as my breakfast

Shed a new light on a new path

I will gain rhythm and lose wrath

Attain wisdom and refuse graph

And build upon what I built on

And wisely regulate time I do have

‘Cause what is defeat?

But just the evidence of my haste

Lack of preparedness, in my waste

So I wait

Surround myself with nutrition, wholesomeness and true livin’

Use natural codes of conduct to remove the schism when the rules missing

I will pursue felicity, find value in simplicity

Altruism and empathy will be the first thing extended to my enemy

Clarity will be the trademark of my friendships

Just invest in my business

And appreciative of the rarity of my existence

Maybe we are just too perfect we are imperfect, or too imperfect to be perfect. Maybe it’s not too late to still be imperfect.

January Randomsies

Good morning.

I hope you are well.

These are my general January randomsies.

Randomsies (n): Hapharzard thoughts that crisscross my mind over a long or short period of time that determine the/my course of action. 

1. Breaking point. I am still looking for that threshold that will determine my reverse scale. Many filthy rich and successful people can easily determine that point that decided that for them, and mine was January. I am not yet filthy rich but January 2017 was a bottom line for me. I have never been as broke as I have ever been, frustrated to the point I opted for a mundane survivor kind of lifestyle. Still today, I am not yet out of this pit but I like the decisions I have made thus far. 

2. Anniversaries. Today, I turn 9 years old on Facebook and WordPress. Happy anniversary to me.

3. Know her friends. I once wrote a spiteful post about lunch with an ex that got some people asking me whether I was crazed in doing that and why I shouldn’t put it down. But for the sake of posterity, and the essence of what I felt then, I will leave it. It just that, like a dominoes effect, a thought occurred to me; do you know her friends? Especially the male ones. I remember one evening out when I dated this girl and one of her friends came over to say hi before asking her if I was still dating her? What? How and why he asked that put me off, thinking that maybe he was told something about a future break up. And from what I had known about him, she was quite close to him. Those friends of hers that became ‘brothers’! Anyway, know your partner’s friends and what they think/feel about you before you get shocked.

4. Love deep? Love strong? Love hard? This is naive poppycock and some deep rooted fallacy. Love yourself first before trying to attempt to love another. Go figure.

5. iPhone emojis vs android texters. I have this one friend who makes it a point to send emojis my android phone can not yet translate and thus it becomes a blank message. And then they make fun of me…and I am not a fan of this.

Uhm, I think that’s all 

Wine-r

How do ladies take wine? Frequently at that!?

How?

This has been on my mind for the last two weeks. What magic is embued in your bodies?

About two weeks ago, at a family shindig, there happened to be enough wine to compete with Jesus’ miracle in Canaa. Wine was flowing like the river Nile, and we were swimming in the river. It happened to be a family reunion that was a few months over due. Anyway, I decided to take wine seeing as there was no beer.

And I took that wine. I probably put Conrad in Namaqua, Conradaqua…

Whilst the government was celebrating and commemorating its conquering of the old regime, I was drowning myself in wine. Tumbler after tumbler. And the beauty about wine is it takes its gentle time to massage your ego before throwing you off the cliff. The evening was indeed amazing I even packed some for the road. 

I headed home, buzzed but not wasted. On my way, I got another box of wine before calling it an almost night at a friend’s place. We played with the box of wine like young children who had just discovered its exciting contents. Come midnight, I headed home still feeling fresh. The wine was still massaging my ego.

I get home, sleep off, buzzed but very ok. And it was at this time that the wine started to slowly push me towards the cliff. I awoke the next morning, feeling relatively ok. I did have breakfast as well. Seeing as it was a Friday, and I employ myself, I could afford to be late for work. I think having breakfast was the cue for the wine just pushed me off the cliff, and down I went. All my muscles ached, I got food poisoning, I could barely walk. I just crawled back to bed and napped. My body felt like a masseuse was hacking me, using a hammer to hit my joints. The fetal position couldn’t even do the trick. 

Ah, wine. Bloody wine!

My Friday was spent thinking about how I am never doing wine again. What horseless shit did I drink!? How do ladies do it? What black magic do you have to use before taking wine? I finally recovered at 2:00am that Saturday morning, and it was pretty late to go for work then.

Let’s just say I am not about that wine life. I am not a winer!

61 Days of January

Hunh! When is January ending?

When I was younger, I hated January. I simply hated it because I knew we’d be starting school soon. I didn’t care that it was this long, I just had the unsettling feeling that I’d soon be packing a suitcase and start rolling the mattress before heading off to boarding school.

I am now older, and I even hate it more. It’s like the devil’s little irritable cousin, or that neighbour’s damn dog that won’t stop barking half the night, or the baby next door who just learnt to cry. January is Snow White’s step mother who wants to kill her day after day, if Snow White was December. January is you getting home with 2% battery excited only to find your yaka is done! January is when the rolex guy gives you the thinnest chapati, and matches it with the most malnourished tomato.

Well, you get what I mean, dammit!

I have a feeling that like you, my new year’s resolutions have already been tucked, forgotten, ready to be opened again sometime next year. January are those friends who check on you just to ask for a favour, and forget you as soon as you hang up! People don’t voluntary decide to lose weight in January, January decides that for you, I mean, with your brokeness, you can barely afford a decent meal.

Well, January is almost done. And if you are wise, you should ensure January’s young brother February doesn’t become a nuisance.

Happy almost end of January, and happy birthday to my young brother, Ronald. And no, he’s not like February!