On Parenting

Guys, would you want to have a child like you? Do you believe you’d be an awesome parent if you had a child like you?

This post is sponsored by me; in a moment of reflection, I’ve asked and tasked myself, would I be a parent to me? A good parent like mine have been. Patient and understanding like they have been. Empowering and difficult like they have been!

To better understand what I am writing about, I am getting married to the most amazing person. Like for real for real! She’s so dope that nothing, and I say nothing can stop me from doing anything for her. But that’s besides the point. We’ve recently been talking about children, how many and nebigenderako to mention but a few.

Children are a gift from God and like a gift, it’s an amazing thing.

But am I gift to my parents?

Me as me, nze nga nze, I find myself difficult! My parents used to call him mawire pronounced as ma from mother and wire as in electric wire! I used to snap faster than a shot was fired. I remember fighting with the entire family, and I mean, ENTIRE family because my young brother changed a the channel on TV while I was watching! Woooow! Still surprises me!

At that moment, I was ashamed. Was it worth it? What did my parents think about me? Would I want a child as difficult as I was?

See how I referred to myself in the past persona?

I’ve renewed my mind since then. I’ve grown. I’ve reflected on my identity! I used to be difficult, stubborn, big headed, crazy, spontaneous and irrational, but I’ve come out of that space and season much better. There’s a humility I try to wear, hoping to be better and influence people around me for the better.

I can’t wait to have a child(ren) and hopefully mentor, guide and strengthen them to be wise, better and humble. And I don’t believe I can do this alone *wink wink, but with my partner and Christ as the foundation!

So, would you want a child like you?

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Your Heart

When I was younger, I don’t think I was aware of much of what was happening around me. Back in Primary School, in St Savio, I had a friend called Jonathan with whom I run my mischief! I remember ‘stealing’ buns whilst he was on the look out for any passers by back in Primary 4.

My first experience with Christ or being told about Him was also in St Savio. We had an old boy of the school who came by in Primary 4 encouraging us to become saved. Jonathan was quick to pick up on the idea, and he gave his life to Christ. Seeing that he had, and he was my best friend, I also decided to give my life to Christ.

Well, it didn’t last long because we were back to stealing buns and just being mischievous around school. The concept of being saved sounded new and weird. We had to repeat, if remember well, that we’ve accepted Christ as our personal savior and redeemer, and after we were prayed for. Being in a staunch Catholic boarding primary school, I felt like I was betraying my people.

Much later in High School, there was a craze. A savedee craze! Everyone was getting saved and listening to Christian music and discarding their black jeans because they were from the devil. Everything we did was unclean and was a sin. From how we dressed, to what we listened to. I mean, 50 Cent’s In Da Club was making waves on the radio and suddenly it was unholy to listen to music. Well, my experience otherwise had showed me otherwise. I was not about that saved life!

That saved life back in high school was a strict nonsensical lifestyle! You either were saved or going to hell! I remember how we used to judge these saved people, wondering when they’d slip and fall. It was a crazy time. I still can’t believe some friends of mine turned down Sosh because they were saved.

Being saved has always been a stingy affair. What’s crazy is that if you are catholic or Anglican, you can’t be saved, or so I thought. I always believed myself a religious man, staunch catholic, said my rosary and could recite the creed like I was singing.

Like many families, ours is also susceptible to juju! And a few years ago, stories surfaced about members within the family practicing juju. Our home run amok with accusations and finger pointing. It was like a need for spiritual rejuvenation was required for the entire house hold. During that time, our home was filled with holy water, burning essence and abashabirizi (prayer specialists, juju extinguishers, foreseers and all these things)! And every time they came over, there was revelation upon revelation which led to finger pointing. A unity that was once held by silver strings was now snapped and with anger flaring, families broke up and banded into smaller families. Like war, they were casualties. My grandfather fell sick, to mention but a few.

With this in tow, I embarked on a spiritual journey. I needed to find this God everyone spoke of, one so mysterious He couldn’t reach out to me. Why were things falling apart? Pun intended. I started praying with a purpose of finding Him.

I then met Fr Raymond. Exceptional, brilliant, honest, open minded and supercool! When I met him, I had lots of questions but most of all, I needed answers. Like the lost sheep, I was looking for the Shepherd. And we started to talk and this opened new doors for me, and a realization that He was always in me.

Your Heart

These hands will wipe the tears for those who cry to you at night

And these feet will walk the miles to the place of those broken-hearted

And my voice will cry out for those who cry out for you

I’ll be your heart to the ones I meet

I’ll show love to the least of these

I would have never known if you didn’t first love me

I’ve learned to love when I’m your hands and feet

I’ve learned to love when I’m your hands and feet

I’ve learned to love Ill be your hands and feet

These eyes will see the hurt of those who suffer silently

And this mind will be like yours and believe what you called us to be

Unselfish, unchanging, unfailing love

I’ll be your heart to the ones I meet

I’ll show love to the least of these

I would have never known if u didn’t first love me

I’ve learned to love when I’m your hands and feet

I’ve learned to love Ill be your hands and feet

Listening to this song reminds me of the moment I found Christ. It reminds me of the moment I gave my life to Christ and started this journey. Now, I am very much aware of what having Him walk side by side with you feels like.

Healed

I believe I have spoken (written 🤦🏾‍♂️) about healing before on here. Today, I want to share about being healed.

To find and have Christ is to have life, and without him, death.

My healing and growth journey mostly begun when; I committed my life, purposefully set out to have Christ and continually renewed my mind with him every day. There’s so much joy and happiness in the Bible. In fact I call it my life hack.

Anyway, being healed means that you’ve purposefully set out to start a healing journey. And being healed in this case I am referring to emotional and spiritual healing.

I find that to date someone, and to commit to your relationship with them requires healing, and I am also going to infer to my relationship with my fiancée.

So, you know how this is a small world? Like how you date someone and find out you know their ex-es and they know yours and some might have been and are your friends? Mehn, I know. Small world innit! Anyway, I do know a few of hers and she does know mine! And the reason they are ex-es is for one or many reasons, we were hurt (well, we are victims) and in my partner’s eyes they don’t come off as angels. I mean, we tend to hate our partner’s ex because they hurt the now most precious thing in our life. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve said positive things about some of my ex-es. And this baggage if not properly dealt with becomes a burden to the new relationship and MUST be dealt with.

And so the need to be healed. (I don’t think I come off as an angel in my ex-es and damn that paragraph was as long and Jesus 💆🏾‍♂️)

Anyway, healing is a process, and usually our partners are buffers and help us to cathart. Some pain needs for you to continuously reassure your partner, help them heal, listen to them and most of all, LOVE them. Love the pain away. Love the hate and dislike away. Love the inadequacy away. Love them into growth. Love them into their identity. Love them like God, our Father has taught us to love.

When I look at my partner, I don’t just see Proverbs 31, but I understand 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 where verse 8 says; Love Never Fails! I preempt Psalms 23:1-6. People talk about Ephesians 5:20 but I know from 20-28. And most of all, to get her I am reminded of Matthew 7:7-8. Like I said earlier, the Bible is my life hack.

Anyway, some few months ago, just sharing about our growth emotionally we finally realized that we are not shaped by our past. It can influence our present situation but that IS a CHOICE we make. We choose to either let it make us or break us, to define us or not. And just reflecting on the pain we once had, we realized that we were healed, and the resentment, pain and all the negative emotions didn’t matter. That what mattered most NOW was my partner.

Now that’s something, isn’t it. What is important when you get healed is not your past but your present, and that’s all.

And we talked about our future, our dreams, and desires.

It’s a journey! Please, these things are easier written than done. I wear my emotions on my sleeves, and mehn oh mehn, the pictures I’ve painted of my ex-es, aha (😂😵)! And as I embellish on here, I am glad I reached out and apologized. And relationships are not rational, guys. Like the royco, kanzali n’ebigenderako we add when we talk about the devil incarnate 😂😂😂😂😂! Like ask my fiancée and see.

Anyway, I am just here to share. And in my sharing, I hope my experiences willhelp you heal!

Inner Peace

Like Master Shifu spent most of the third installation of the Kung Fu Panda movie doing, finding your inner peace is seldom experienced. I mean, what is inner peace? How do you even know you have inner peace?

I think…

Have you noticed how things that would bother, irk you in the past now don’t even vex or move you? That someone said something or even thought it about you no longer has an impact on your self esteem? Have you noticed that the problems you once assumed were the end of the world don’t even come close to national security quotas? That that issue you once pondered on for months on without end seems to be like a breeze on a cold Friday morning with the sun rise in the back drop?

I think…

Inner peace is mostly finding comfort with oneself and just doing you. And I don’t mean a doing you that’s unrealistic but rather a doing you that you enjoy being you.

I think…

We find inner peace when we allow the inner man to be. The inner man – soul – gut – or whatever you want to call it is influenced by a lot, society, society and some more society. But, if you let the Spirit man guide your inner man, oh, you will start to enjoy inner peace.

I think…

I digress a little here. God is faithful. God is graceful and loving. I sometimes amuse when we shudder at God’s love for us thinking that He’s just being exceptional in that moment. I believe that to a greater extent, staying attuned to the Father allows for you to enjoy the full time excellence you occasionally experience as a miracle because life.

I think…

To find inner peace is to allow yourself to be one and a whole. Meditation, seclusion, prayer, exercising, living wholly. You need to be one with yourself. Our biggest detractors are ourselves. We always short change ourselves, our abilities, our strengths. We always want to assume we are inadequate so as to take the fall lightly when we actually fail. Nope. You need to fall. And get up, and fall again. You do it long enough and maybe you actually start to rise higher and move faster. Most times, we are afraid of falling and when we do, we are fearful of rising, again.

I mean, the Dark Knight Rose….sorry, Jesus rose!

I think…

Fulfillment in life, goals, ambition are all important. But the greatest thing that has happened to humanity is to fall in love. To be in love. Love your God, with all your heart, spirit and body. And love another, as you’d love yourself.

I think the secret to inner peace is to be one with the Spirit – God. Love your God. To love others. Your soul and inner man should invest in loving others for where there’s love, there can’t be hate. And when your inner man is loving others, the over flow simply means you are in love with yourself. Finding inner peace is to love others for it’s through loving others that you will understand how to love oneself.

I think inner peace is coming to the understanding that you were put here for a purpose and through our Creator, achieving that inner peace, gives us the strength to go beyond.

Have your found your love?

DANSK!

It’s the season for loving, and giving, and inner peace.

Refresh; Life in the Spirit

You are Spirit, With a Soul, In a Body.

This has been the teaching at church for the last few weeks.

This has sort of thrown light into some thoughts I have been having recently.

So, last evening after our MC fellowshipping, I had a chat with a friend who was in the same place I was about 7 months ago. At the time, I was asking myself who I was, and what my relationship with Christ was. I was seeking Him out. I had surrounded myself with people who seemed to know Him, had an intimate relationship with Him, and seemed to have everything together. They were truly and honestly happy. Not the false happiness we wear on our faces, hide behind our smiles, but radiating happiness.

I kept on asking myself what they had, that I didn’t! I kept on wondering what they did, that I wasn’t doing. It would hurt me internally when I saw the joy and testimonies they told when we met. I wanted that. I wanted that joy, that happiness. If Christ really was giving them that joy, why wasn’t He giving me the same joy?

Anyway, when I started this relationship with Christ, to a greater extent I thought that things would happen immediately, and that I’d be in a better place and space like my friends were. I expected much. I desired for much. Boy, I wanted what they were getting.

But then, I realized that we are different. Our understanding and relationships with Him were different. I understood that it was a journey. I knew that eventually I’d be where they were. I started to hold no grudges and slowly started to trust in Christ, and in God, and building a relationship with Him.

My personal relationship with Christ is that of an older, wiser brother who is always looking out for the younger brother. And to me, God is my parent. That’s my relationship with them. To some, Jesus is their best friend. Well, the more time I spent thinking about Christ, and listened and heard, the more I realized that God is always with us, and we are always with Him. God has always wanted us to have a personal relationship with Him.

The Bible holds the answers to all the questions we most times don’t have answers to. Last night, taking to a friend who was where I felt I was months ago, it was easy to relate and see in what state of mind he was and it was easier preaching to him.

We are here to be Spirit filled and Spirit led, and to continuously renew our minds to Christ like things. Focusing on Christ like things is to have life and peace, and to be carnally minded is death was the teaching at fellowship yesterday. And having experienced Christ in every aspect of my life these last few months has been humbling.

What is your relationship with Christ?

I know and believe that God is walking with us everyday, communing with us through prayer, and that all that you need, desire, seek in Him, you will find. Phil 4:8!

Have a lovely month!

Testing God!

I write this for me,

and you!

Just stop. Trust in the Lord,

With all your heart and soul,

For your Spirit is from Him.

Stop trying to test him, like you would a light bulb and start allowing Him to love on you. I find myself many times trying to see if God’s listening to my prayers. And the truth is, He does. I know so because in many cases when I feel there’s nothing significant happening in my life, I resort to the older man, the older version of me, and many times, older versions just never function the way the newer versions do.

Stop trying to test God, like you would a lake by dipping one foot in. God is the lake, like His son, we shall walk on water. We usually ask God mostly for provision, but the challenge is that we only ask Him when we need it in the now, and yet, if we were always with Him, our problems would be solved.

Just stop! Don’t!

I am a newer version!

Evolve-d

Hurt People Hurt People! – Confucius 

What is love? The answer is in 1 Corinthians 13: –

Read the whole chapter and maybe we can start to delve deeper.

And NO, I don’t think Confucius coined the term, ‘Hurt People, Hurt People’ but rather it’s the meaning behind this adage, paradigm that I’d like to share my thoughts on.

You know how a rotten tomato spoils the other tomatoes in the basket full of fresh juicy tomatoes? That’s what happens when hurt people decide to date without first cleansing and renewing themselves. It’s important that before you start a new relationship, the shackles that hold you to your past are broken, and you are free to freely love someone.

I had and wanted to quote that bible verse specifically to broaden your horizons on what exactly love is. We many times misuse the world love. Some of my favourite ones are when people use and say things like – I am falling/fell out of love? I stopped loving because? I have little love left because? for a friend, partner and confidant. It simply means that you didn’t understand what love was in the first place. Love nurtures and grows. Love makes you see the good side of people, and accept the flaws AND try to work on those flaws. It’s essential that when two people come together, they purpose their selves in learning and growing in love. Love is work. Not just a random feel of fwaaa fwaaa

And in truth it starts by understanding that your past does not define your future. Your past is your past. We should stop looking to the past to live in the future. I mean, Obama once said, how can you move forward if you are looking back? Many relationships these days focus on the past they fail -continuously to live in/for the future, and before you know it, you are back to the past with someone new.

Look at it this way. If person X hurt you, forgive – which is difficult and you can refer to previous posts, and move on. Learn from it and grow. When you meet person Y, person X shouldn’t be in the picture, in whatever way, past, present or future. Many times though, we get hurt by person X, move on to person Y still angry at person X, compare Y to X when they falter, pick the stupid lessons from X and apply them to your new Y and before you know it, Y has become X, and now Z is coming into the picture. And then X, Y, Z! I honestly hope you understand this analogy.

Eventually, the cycle continues, and now Y becomes X to another person and damn it, just stop it people. Why are we so hell bent on our past?

I know it hurts. I know you gave it your all. I know things probably didn’t work out. I know you probably messed up. I know you now have insecurities. I know that maybe what you believed was love was not what it turned out to be. Turn your life to Christ. 

I now know that everyone deserves a clean slate, a chance to become better and grow, and a NEW you, not an old version. Look at it this way, software always needs an upgrade, a better version of itself. But software doesn’t discriminate on who and what and how it can be used (love). Software (You) works on itself so that the new user can enjoy themselves and experience it better. Software (You) doesn’t look back and determine that you cannot harness its full potential, no, it allows you to fully use it the best way you can in the now (present). And it won’t judge you. Be like software, fix your bugs, have a renewed and better experience with the you. Don’t judge new users based on the old, but rather better yourself (bug fixes) so that the new user can experience something wholesome and refreshing. The past is who you are, but shouldn’t define the mistakes you make in the future. DO NOT LIVE IN THE PAST!

Love grows. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not judge. We need to evolve. We need to stop blaming our past for the mistakes we shall make in the future. If you were hurt, grieve, cleanse, renew, begin – afresh. This time a better version of yourself – evolved, to allow your partner experience the whole you, and not just parts of you you deem clean or fit to be used. And for Christ’s sake, don’t take out your frustrations from the past into the future, that’s how hurt people end up hurting people.

PS: We can fall out of like with someone, but before we do it, remind yourself what exactly it was that got you to like them. Most times we shall choose the easy way out, the weak way out, and look at the faults and flaws of that someone but usually that’s a reflection of what/who we are. Only weak people choose to see the weakness in others.

Double PS: If someone chooses not to see your light, don’t deem that light. Find someone who will keep that light shining bright. Find your Sunshine, and maybe the darkness in you will be as bright as the Moonlight!

Stay awesome people. Let’s always choose love. It’s not the easiest way, but that’s why we are on this earth. To love, and to love.